It’s that time of year again. Moms from all over the country are texting their children, asking to “chat about summer plans.” We at Nooz have utmost sympathy for the plight of affected students, which is why we’ve compiled this guide on how to hop on the phone and politely let your mom know that…
As I was driving the four-minute commute from campus to my apartment, I felt an unfamiliar speed bump along Stewart Avenue. My initial surprise quickly morphed into horror as I realized that what I thought was a speed bump was actually a person. Feeling sick, I pulled over and quickly ran to the motionless, slightly…
Hey boss babes! I think we can all agree that this year’s recruiting season has been a real toughie, even for the strongest girlies out there. I know for me personally, my internship search was filled with long, grueling hours of sending my half-assed resume to my mommy and daddy to share with their extensive…
Dating in college can be tough. Everyone struggles with making time for each other or navigating the ups and downs of a relationship. But it’s especially hard for me, because my girlfriend is a super genius who uses her telekinetic powers to make my life a living hell. Now, I’m not ashamed to be less…
COLLEGETOWN—It began as an innocent March day in Ithaca—March 1st, to be exact. The sun was kind of shining, at least enough to put a dent in the pile of soot-colored snow plowed off the road and into adjacent driveways three weeks ago. The Cornell populace was bundled up against a stiff breeze that threatened…
I’ll admit it: every so often I get down on myself for my total lack of accomplishment and inability to celebrate even the smallest things in life. However, that all changed today when I realized how good the inseam of my jeans felt on my pussy! I’m not just referring to the tough seam pressing…
1. “You shouldn’t invade Russia in the winter.” History King! We all know this guy. He loves toppling foreign governments just a little too much. According to him, history starts with the Romans and ends with World War II. He can differentiate the all of France’s King Louis, and he gets a half-chub at the…
Intro to Feminist, Gender, and Sexuality Studies Yes, it is just an introductory course. Yes, your dad will blame your entire lifetime of being gay on this simply because feminism obviously turns you into a man-hating lesbian. That is the only effect an entire semester of this course would have on your malleable Ivy…
So, Valentine’s Day didn’t go your way. We’ve all been there. Your Perfect Match survey doesn’t pair you with anyone, and you spent the day alone. Tragic. But the most terrifying, humiliating thing of all is that you sent that 5-page romantic essay you’ve had in your Notes app to your best friend from Econ….
