Cornell
8 Bus Companies We’d Rather be Sued by Than ShortLine
Cornell Campus to Campus: C2C is a beloved student institution that runs from Cornell to New York City. We’d love to be sued by them almost as much as we’d love to be able to afford their tickets. Sure, they’re pricey and might take us for all we’re worth (approximately $150 and a dozen bagels),…
5 Foolproof Ways to Get the Mac’s Cashiers to Take BRBs After 3
Do you ever find yourself on central campus at 3:15 p.m. with a hankering for a delicious Mac’s Cafe flatbread, only to realize that Statler Hotel’s premier deli shop only accepts big red bucks up until 3? How unfair! Everyone knows BRB’s are just free money that appears out of thin air, yet these bastards…
Inspiring: This Freshman Signed Up For a Class With None of the Prereqs and Now He’s Fucked
It’s definitely not easy taking a class you know absolutely nothing about. But Luke Zhang ‘23 enrolled in PHYS 4230: Statistical Thermodynamics despite having taken none of its three prerequisite classes. And it was a huge mistake! “I don’t really have the math background to be in this class. Or the physics background. But I…
Life Hack: Save Time Writing Papers by Redacting Everything
Ever find yourself nine pages deep on a Friday night, trying to get to that sweet, sweet number 10? Well, our team of successful students and espionage attorneys have the perfect solution for you! Everyone knows about enlarging periods or expanding margins to lengthen your essay, but this one trick will finish your paper in…
Crisis Averted! Almighty Student Assembly Obliterates ILR-HumEc Merger with Sternly-Worded Resolution
Dropping the cold hammer of institutional justice, the Student Assembly smote the unpopular ILR-Human Ecology merger this past week by passing an entirely symbolic Resolution. Whoopee! via GIPHY The all-powerful protectors of the student body convened Wednesday and, with the ruthless efficiency we’ve come to expect from the SA, struck down the insidious proposal in…
Heartwarming: When This Student In a Wheelchair Felt Left Out, These Brothers Helped Him Do a Keg Stand!
Adapting to College life can be tough for everyone, but imagine how hard it is for those of us facing physical disabilities. All of the social anxieties felt by being thrown into a new setting with dozens of people you’ve never met before get heightened by the palpable impairment that makes you feel completely different…
Game Changer: Bus Stop Bagels Achieves Perfect Bagel to Bus Stop Ratio
Cornell Dining continues to tower above the rest, as evidenced by their most recent feat. Bus Stop Bagels, located in Kennedy Hall, has done what no other eatery has managed to do: achieve the most exquisite bagel to bus stop ratio. Good job, Bus Stop Bagels! That’s quite a schmear! “Bus Stop Bagel has many…
Celebrate Black History Month at Cornell with Your Favorite Black Friends
It’s February, so that means it’s time to celebrate Black History Month! We all know about Martin Luther King Jr. and Harriet Tubman, so let’s take this opportunity to reflect on all of the meaningful connections you have made with your black friends, emphasis on the “s!” What a good person you are! Without further…
Milk-Lovers Beware! This Rogue Cornell Dairy Cow Is Trying To Steal All Her Milk Back
Red alert to all milk-lovers out there! If you thought you and your milk were safe, think again. Big Betty, Cornell Dairy’s most reliable and easy-flowing cow, has gone rogue, and she’s coming to steal all her milk back! That’s right. Last last night, in one of Cornell Dairy’s most historic security breaches to…