Now that the holiday season is wrapping up, here are some tips for how to look more cute and less like an all-out assault on the eyeballs when wearing the absolutely nauseating sweater you just got from your bitch of a grandma. Be yourself! Even though your dumbass grandma is forcing you to wear…
Walking around in a brand-spankin’ new suit and with a big fat leather resume folder to boot, students confirmed local senior Hari Srinivasan had a job interview and was lookin’ all fancy all of a sudden. “Whaaaat?” said fellow student Lindsey Fong. “This guy usually wears one kind of clothes, and now he’s wearing another…
We’ve all been told that the A.D. White Library looks ripped straight out of Hogwarts, but after fourteen days of a girl crying nonstop in a Dickson Hall bathroom, the reign of A.D. White as Cornell’s most potter-y location is finally coming to an end. Ever since students first noticed the crying coming from the…
So you’ve decided to take a phone break after 30 minutes of excruciating quality time with your aunts and uncles. We don’t blame you. We’re sure you’ve heard enough about how big you’ve gotten since five years ago and how Cornell is “one of those liberal safe space campuses.” You’ve survived the arrival of family…
BALCH HALL—Arielle Roban, a freshman in the School of Industrial and Labor Relations, has reportedly been rehearsing factoids and witty jabs on the flaws of capitalism ahead of her annual Thanksgiving dinner at the home of her aunt and uncle, Susan and Gary Gates. Inspired by her Introduction to Labor History course, Roban has been…
I might’nt e’er forget the events that transpired on that Godforsaken Orange Chicken Wednesday for as long as Orion’s belt should remain fastened. Before sophomore year, I’d been a mere fawn, far too weak, too feeble-minded; I daredn’t embark on a journey that had vanquished so many before me in the quest to pass through…
You don’t need a reminder. It’s November 6th. Take a stand for something. Believe in something. Because today is National Saxophone Day. You’ve been hearing about it for months. But now, it’s finally time: get your sunglasses and zoot suit on down to your designated precinct to play a sweet, sweet tune on your sweet,…
Congrats again on making it to the Ivy League! Maybe you were expecting the rigorous academic atmosphere and the abundant research opportunities, but you definitely weren’t prepared for the all-consuming worry that you don’t belong here and that everyone else is smarter than you. It sounds a lot like Imposter Syndrome, but how do you…
We all know how exhausting it is when that guy raises his hand for the seventh time in class, just to talk about how child labor is economically efficient. But what can you do about it? Well, you know what they say: “The only way to silence a Devil’s Advocate is to distract him with…