Ah Shit: Weird Roommate Staring At You While Brushing Their Teeth Again

Fuck, he’s doing it again, isn’t he? Dammit. For the third time this week, your weird roommate, Oliver Perkins, is staring directly at you from across the room while brushing his teeth. What the hell is his deal?

You accidentally make eye contact for a moment before swiftly averting your gaze. There’s not even a sink in your dorm—he’s just brushing his teeth over the trash bin. You can respect the commitment to dental hygiene despite the hurdle of going down the hallway to the communal bathrooms, but if he’s going to do this, couldn’t he scroll his phone or something? Or just, like, look literally anywhere else? You won’t make the mistake of looking back over again, but you can feel his eyes burning into the back of your head. You’re pretty sure he hasn’t blinked.

What do you do here? You’re not one for confrontation, and it’s only a couple minutes every other day or so—you can probably just deal with it, right? Yeah, you suppose it’s not… wait, did he just spit in an open dresser drawer? Isn’t that YOUR sock drawer? Oh fuck no.

You whip around to interrogate the scoundrel. “What the hell are you doing?” you scream. “Urm brurshing moy terth,” a foamy-mouthed Oliver calmly replies. You blink. He’s not wrong. You slink off, fuming but thoroughly defeated.

You probably should not have signed a lease together for next year.

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