Sex on Thursdays: How to Make His Head Literally Explode

Blowjobs can be pretty confusing to navigate! Recently, the Daily Sun published an article called “How to Give Mind-Blowing Head,” but we all know sometimes that’s just not enough. Get ready to learn how to make his head literally explode: Alternate between gliding your tongue and really sucking that dick. Read More

Baller Alert: Recruiters Are All Over This Senior’s Dick, Basically

Thought you had a successful career fair? Well, think again! Fresh off his summer internship at Facebook, Stan Zhu ‘18 has dozens of recruiters trying to hop on his dick, basically. Don’t believe us? In the past week alone, Zhu received 25 LinkedIn requests from probably-dripping-wet recruiters at companies like Read More

Sheer Bravery! This Fraternity Brother Will Finish Anyone’s Drink That They Don’t Want Anymore

There are plenty of small town heroes to be found in Ithaca, but this long weekend, one really stood out from the crowd. Eric LaSorsa ‘18, a member of Sigma Psi Theta fraternity, has publicly stated that if somebody doesn’t want a drink anymore, he will proudly “slam that fucker Read More

So Close! Cornell Puts Funding Near the PMA Department

Aww, shucks! In an embarrassing blunder, Cornell just missed funding the Performing and Media Arts Department by a few inches, accidentally building a new plaza for the Schwartz Center instead. What a major oopsie! Cornell’s attempt to bring in more professors, classes, productions, or even equipment flopped this week as Read More