Check Out The Student Assembly Seats That Are Up for Election This Fall!

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Student Assembly elections start on September 26th! Do you know which SA positions are on the ballot this Fall? Take a look at the open seats here! Song Leader Slope Dude Director of SA Committee for Un-Cornellian Activities Mitt Romney Senior Soothsayer Dungeon Sweeper Master of Ceremonies Representative of Representatives Read More

Cornellians Do Not Respect My Conservative Values or My Star Wars Erotic Fan Fiction

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Universities should facilitate the free exchange of ideas between all kinds of people. But often I find that the liberal bias on Cornell’s campus represses my ability to openly discuss my conservative viewpoints or the finer details of the dozens of volumes of Star Wars erotic fan fictions I’ve penned. Read More

Inspiring: This Freshman Already Knows Exactly What She’s Going To Do for the Rest of Her Life

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When Sara Nelson first arrived at Cornell, her major was undeclared, and she wasn’t even sure if she was going to drop Gen Chem or stick with it. Well just look at her now, one week later. This inspiring freshman already knows exactly what she’s going to do with her Read More

Devastating: Mufasa Was Trampled to Death in a Stampede Of Freshman

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Disaster struck Ithaca this Friday night, when it was reported that Mufasa, King of Pride Rock, passed away from injuries sustained after being trampled by dozens of drunk freshmen in Collegetown. In a statement yesterday, Ithaca Police stated that Mufasa was hunting for food for his family on College Ave Read More