Oopsies! This Naughty Little Freshman Showed Up To His Swim Test In A Tiny, Tiny Speedo

Darren Stintman “thought” he was just gonna take your regular ol’ garden variety swim test, but when he arrived at Helen-Newman, Darren “realized” he had made a big no-no. He showed up to the swim test in just a tiny, tiny speedo. Nothing else! Despite repeated pleading from the instructor Read More

Milk-Lovers Beware! This Rogue Cornell Dairy Cow Is Trying To Steal All Her Milk Back

Red alert to all milk-lovers out there! If you thought you and your milk were safe, think again. Big Betty, Cornell Dairy’s most reliable and easy-flowing cow, has gone rogue, and she’s coming to steal all her milk back!   That’s right. Last last night, in one of Cornell Dairy’s Read More

Instead of Giving Psi Upsilon’s House to Diverse Student Organizations, Cornell Should Give It to Me

Many people hailed the University’s recent announcement that Psi Upsilon’s former fraternity house will be converted “into a building available for use by student organizations that promote diversity and inclusion.” Unfortunately, these people are missing the big picture: Cornell should instead make the house available only to me. While I Read More

Sex on Thursdays: How to Make His Head Literally Explode

Blowjobs can be pretty confusing to navigate! Recently, the Daily Sun published an article called “How to Give Mind-Blowing Head,” but we all know sometimes that’s just not enough. Get ready to learn how to make his head literally explode: Alternate between gliding your tongue and really sucking that dick. Read More