Palindrome Lovers Rejoice:Eciojer Srevol Emordnilap

If you’re a literary fanatic, you’re in luck—palindromes are back! !kcab era semordnilap—kcul ni er’uoy ,citanaf yraretil a er’uoy fI. 2019 is the year for words and phrases spelled the same backward and forward, and will have palindrome-haters shouting “Dammit, I’m mad,” according to Anna Renner, an avid diva. .avid Read More

How to Look Cute Wearing the Awful Fucking Sweater Your Bitch Grandma Gave You

Now that the holiday season is wrapping up, here are some tips for how to look more cute and less like an all-out assault on the eyeballs when wearing the absolutely nauseating sweater you just got from your bitch of a grandma.   Be yourself! Even though your dumbass grandma Read More

Student With Job Interview Lookin’ All Fancy All of a Sudden

Walking around in a brand-spankin’ new suit and with a big fat leather resume folder to boot, students confirmed local senior Hari Srinivasan had a job interview and was lookin’ all fancy all of a sudden. “Whaaaat?” said fellow student Lindsey Fong. “This guy usually wears one kind of clothes, Read More

Family Making You Uncomfortable This Thanksgiving? Read This to Avoid Eye Contact!

So you’ve decided to take a phone break after 30 minutes of excruciating quality time with your aunts and uncles. We don’t blame you. We’re sure you’ve heard enough about how big you’ve gotten since five years ago and how Cornell is “one of those liberal safe space campuses.” You’ve Read More

Read This Harrowing Tale: One Girl’s Quest Through the Terrace Burrito Line

Panda Express

I might’nt e’er forget the events that transpired on that Godforsaken Orange Chicken Wednesday for as long as Orion’s belt should remain fastened. Before sophomore year, I’d been a mere fawn, far too weak, too feeble-minded; I daredn’t embark on a journey that had vanquished so many before me in Read More