Easy Target: The New Hampshire Goalie’s Father Just Got Laid Off

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Good news, Lynah Faithful! At this Saturday’s hockey game at Madison Square Garden, it will be an easy time to come up with ways to taunt University of New Hampshire goalie Jeff McCray because, as of last monday morning, his father was just laid off from the automobile manufacturing job Read More

Top Five Professors Who Definitely Won’t Get Tenure This Year

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All of Cornell’s brilliant faculty members are producing amazing research, but let’s face it: only the best of the best will get tenure this year. Here are CUNoozfeed’s picks for the top five professors who will definitely fall short of intellectual freedom and financial security. William Isulan, Department of Civil Read More

7 Places You Could Visit If McGraw Tower Were a Rocketship, But Are Also Accessible Via Normal Means of Transportation

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Have you ever thought about how cool it would be if Cornell’s iconic clock tower was a rocketship? You would be able to travel from Ithaca to virtually anywhere! Here are some places that would be awesome to visit during a joy ride atop the 161 steps of McGraw Tower, Read More

A Shame To Their Country: These Un-American 17 Year-Old Freshmen Didn’t Vote

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Our extraordinary democracy stands as a pillar of individual freedom, liberty, and humanity’s celebration of self-autonomy. A beacon of American exceptionalism, our ballot boxes serve as a representation of our country’s greatest ideals. However, there somehow are still 17 year-old Cornell freshmen who would dare to stain our beautiful nation Read More

SJWs Beware: This Article WILL Trigger You

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Offended already? Well you better buckle up, because this ain’t your average, play-it-safe humor thinkpiece. We’re finally bringing it to you over-sensitive, politically-correct liberals – and you can’t hide from our First Amendment-delivered tirade of truth in your Tumblr posts and pinterest profiles. Where are your safe spaces now?? If Read More