Nooz Staff

I LIVED IT: I Swiped Up On Spotify While Clearing My Apps and Had To Live With The Unbearable Pain of My Unadulterated Thoughts for 5 Seconds

URIS LIBRARY–Amidst the grueling labor of writing the final essay for one of his classes, Jason Bradley ‘25 had what he thought was a stroke of genius. To distract himself from his lack of progress in the past hour, he decided to put his precious time to good use by decluttering apps on his phone…

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Godspeed, Loyal Friend! Most Steadfast Donkey Collapses on Arduous Journey Up College Ave

Alack! Alack! It is with great sorrow I must announce mine truest donkey hath passed into the angels’ realm while traversing that treacherous expanse, Collegiate Avenue.  Alas, poor Bartholomew! For many years he hath been mine dearest companion and closest confidante, far surpassing my wretched wife Dorothea. His gentle brays and unfailing nature hath brought…

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“I’ll Totally Be There!” and 5 Other Ways to Say “No” to Your Friend’s A Capella Concert

KLARMAN HALL— With the upcoming onslaught of finals and never-ending last minute assignments, when your friend hits you with  “My a capella group is having a concert this weekend, you’re definitely coming through, right?” the most immediate and resounding internal response is a shrieking, guttural “Dear God, no.”  So how do you, unsuspecting and innocent,…

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Aww! Three Generations of Cornellians Come Together to Psychologically Abuse the Shit out of BU Hockey Team

Nothing says Thanksgiving like joining friends, parents, and grandparents for a wholesome night of pure, unfiltered bullying! This evening Lynah Faithful will flock to Madison Square Garden to inflict permanent psychological damage upon the Boston University hockey team—a demonstration of the Cornell community’s admirable closeness and warmth.  “I look forward to bringing my family every…

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