Author Archives: Nooz Staff

Check Out These Classes You Can Only Pre-Enroll For On The Dark Web

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Fall 2017 class roster too peachy for you? Check out these classes that offer a more realist educational experience to better prepare you for the crummy world out there. GOVT 1830: Intro to Sex Scandal Relations AEM 1200: Using Cocaine to Optimize Day-Trading RUSSA 1340: Mail-Order Brides MUSIC 1390: Encoding Read More

Gross! This Roommate Forgot to Throw Out His Decomposing Goat Carcass Before Break

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We’ve all heard awful roommate stories before, but none as bad as this. After Spring Break, Dylan Murphy ‘19 returned to his Becker Hall dorm only to discover, to his dismay, that his roommate Chad Stapleton ‘19 accidentally left a bloody goat carcass from their vernal equinox pagan sacrifice out Read More

Overstepping His Bounds? Hunter Rawlings Has Asked For a Shorter Clock Tower That’s Easier To Walk Up

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Hunter Rawlings has had a relatively controversy-free tenure, that is, up until recently. In a possible overstepping of his executive boundaries, Rawlings has asked the administration for a shorter clock tower that doesn’t take so long for him to walk up! Talk about a political nightmare! Off the record, Rawlings Read More

Screwed Over by Housing Lottery? Check Out These Available Options for Next Year!

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Today marks the beginning of room selection for 2017–2018 on-campus housing. For everyone with a lousy time slot, take a gander at these available options! A two-person tent for five blocking friends, am I right? The closet behind the larger closet on the fourth floor in Rose House The box-ish Read More

Innovative! This Student Didn’t Lose Any Important Documents During The Blackout Because She Was Watching Pornography

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The campus blackout was definitely unexpected, and for anyone who was in the middle of doing homework when their internet cut out, that absolutely sucks. But you have to admire the forethought that Allie Jacobson ‘19 put into her day when the power cut out and she didn’t lose any Read More

Heartwarming: Ithaca Will Accept 50 Syrian Refugees and Steve from Cortland

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Sometimes, a community comes together to make the world a better place. And that’s exactly what our inspiring little City on the Hill did when it was recently approved to accept 50 refugees, and also this guy Steve Schweitzer from Cortland. Beautiful! “We hope that we’ve made a positive impact Read More