Author Archives: Nooz Staff

This Is Just a List Containing the Words Okenshields and Bingalee Dingalee Because You Tasteless Fuckers Will Eat This Shit Up

People keep commenting about how we should “totally write an article about Okenshields or Bingalee Dingalee”, so you know what, here you go. This is the kind of least common denominator article you tasteless fuckers want. This is what you asked for. Okenshields There it is. There’s the word that Read More

Power Move: TA Uses Lecture Hall Microphone in Discussion Section of 12 Students

A small discussion section for ECON 3120 got more than they bargained for Thursday morning when TA Tyler Kettle whipped out a large headset microphone clearly intended for use in a large auditorium. “Let’s start by going over the syllabus…” Tyler started, acting confident that his dominance had been asserted Read More

Inspiring: This Freshman Signed Up For a Class With None of the Prereqs and Now He’s Fucked

It’s definitely not easy taking a class you know absolutely nothing about. But Luke Zhang ‘23 enrolled in PHYS 4230: Statistical Thermodynamics despite having taken none of its three prerequisite classes. And it was a huge mistake! “I don’t really have the math background to be in this class. Or Read More

Champagne and Shackles Not Kinky Enough? Try These Alternative Date Nights:

Absinthe and Anal Body Shots and Butt Plugs Cocktails and Cock Rings Daiquiris and Double Penetration Eggnog and Edging Fireball and Facials Grey Goose and Golden Showers Hennessy and Hot Wax Irish Whiskey and Inflatables Jungle Juice and Japanese Tentacles Keg Stands and Kidnappings Limoncello and Leashes Moonshine and Muzzle Read More

Out of Touch With Student Needs? I Said Hi to Martha Pollack And She Didn’t Say Hi Back

I don’t know about you, but I think that given today’s on-campus climate, students need support more than ever. I expect school officials to bend over backwards to let students know they’re on our side. That’s why I was profoundly disappointed yesterday when I greeted Martha Pollack on the sidewalk Read More

Real-Life Avengers! After Graduation, Half Your Friends Will Disappear

If you have friends in the Class of 2019, you’re getting ready for the emotional transition from always spending time together to not seeing each other for a long, long time, if ever. Eventually, your memories of one another will begin to dissipate, like dust in the wind. It’ll be Read More