I LIVED IT: I Swiped Up On Spotify While Clearing My Apps and Had To Live With The Unbearable Pain of My Unadulterated Thoughts for 5 Seconds

URIS LIBRARY–Amidst the grueling labor of writing the final essay for one of his classes, Jason Bradley ‘25 had what he thought was a stroke of genius. To distract himself from his lack of progress in the past hour, he decided to put his precious time to good use by decluttering apps on his phone for the 14th time that day – who knows how much space they might be taking up! Little did he know, he was about to make a fatal mistake. 

After swiping up on Instagram, Sidechat, and Hill Climb Racing 2, his untrained reflexes were too slow to stop his thumb from instinctively swiping up on the last bastion of his sanity: Spotify. And as Bradley saw the app disappear from his screen in abject horror, he was faced with nothing but deafening silence and the unwelcome company of the unfiltered thoughts that he had so wished to push to some cobweb-riddled corner of his brain by drowning them out with the tunes of Pink Floyd.

“By the time I realized what I had done, it was too late,” explained an exasperated Bradley, who had to be calmed down with a collective effort by his friends before he could resume his work. “Not only did I cut off Dogs at the 15th minute – right before the best part! – but I also had to… think about things! Can you imagine? I had to look at the pile of mess masquerading as my final essay and had to acknowledge how bad it was, without the voice of Roger Waters taking up half my brain! Even if it was just for the 5 seconds before I launched Spotify again.” 

He followed this up by noting how this was “one of the scariest things [he] had gone through” and that he “wouldn’t wish this on [his] worst enemy.” He has even compiled a list of tips to prevent others from going through his ordeal.

Bradley recommends having backup sources of stimulus in case disasters like this strike out of the blue. “No one can predict when stuff like this can happen, so you always need to be prepared. Ever since this happened, I’ve kept an iPad with movies playing at all times with me, so I can quickly switch to watching a movie in case my music cuts out while I’m working again. I also only work near construction zones now, so even if the wifi goes out I have a constant source of noise. You just need to make sure there’s absolutely no space in your head for any thoughts to form unprovoked.”

Bradley has reportedly refused to open any other app on his phone since the incident to avoid a similar crisis in the future.

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