October 9, 2020

Inspiring! Engineering Student Passionate About Helping People Will Be A War Criminal in 7 Years

While engineering students across campus prepared their pitches for upcoming career fairs and other recruitment events, mechanical engineering student and future perpetrator of genocide Kayla Chen ‘22 couldn’t wait to tell recruiters about her passion for “helping others” and “doing what’s right.” Talk about a Girl Boss!

“There’s been so much buzz around recruiting season lately, so I decided to research some of the companies that will be attending the upcoming career fair,” said Chen. “And I saw one company specializes in unmanned aerial vehicles used for package deliveries in war-torn communities.” Uh oh! Can I get a Red Flag, y’all?!!

A naive Kayla did not know that those so-called “unmanned aerial vehicles” will eventually be used overseas to drop bombs on approximately 19,284 civilians in the name of oil. Oopsie whoopsie!

“I’m really hoping my extensive project team experience and community service projects in minority communities will get me a job where I can better the lives of others,” added Chen, who will immediately sell her soul to a defense company as soon as she sees her potential salary. War crime queen!

Oh my sweet summer child, in just a few years time you’ll be creating some of the most cutting-edge weapons designed specifically to terrorize the communities you care about! Don’t worry, though, we know you’ve got heart! This ethical engineer we’ve got on our hands might end up in another industry, like oil, where she can destroy the environment or healthcare where her designs will be so inaccessible to most average Americans that need them. What a (s)hero!

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