Our extraordinary democracy stands as a pillar of individual freedom, liberty, and humanity’s celebration of self-autonomy. A beacon of American exceptionalism, our ballot boxes serve as a representation of our country’s greatest ideals. However, there somehow are still 17 year-old Cornell freshmen who would dare to stain our beautiful nation by not voting.

Unappreciative of the freedom that they possess, these underage cretins stand to smear one of the greatest things the world has to offer. Selecting one’s own leader is a simple responsibility we share as citizens of this great nation, but these lazy minors can’t seem to muster up the interest to even send a mail-in ballot. That’s just disgusting

We’ve all heard the usual excuses: “My vote won’t matter,” “I don’t like any of the candidates,” or “I’m not legally allowed to vote in this country for another 4 months.” Don’t these pathetic children understand that their undermining of the electoral process will destroy America, ushering in the next era of political apathy?

So let’s get out and vote, Cornell, and not let these miserable youths ruin our glorious freedom. Face it, voting’s a huge deal – far too big to let something silly like age get in the way of upholding our civic duty.