Ever find yourself nine pages deep on a Friday night, trying to get to that sweet, sweet number 10? Well, our team of successful students and espionage attorneys have the perfect solution for you! Everyone knows about enlarging periods or expanding margins to lengthen your essay, but this one trick will finish your paper in just one simple step—what could be easier? All you have to do is… redact everything! That’s right, the whole thing!

This tried-and-true method for hiding things under small black boxes is perfect for everyone from stressed-out students to nervous government officials. Whatever it is, just hit Ctrl+A, highlight in black, and boom: Life=hacked!!! The instructor literally cannot penalize you or he will face prosecution. What a great DIY trick!

The best part? If it’s redacted, you can write literally anything!!! Put some random strings of letters under there, or confidential information—the reader will never know. If you’re asked about it, just mumble something about “regulations” or “sensitive information!” They’ll think your transition sentences are so good that leaking them would be a threat to national security.

Does your thesis statement “lack contravertability”? Just redact that shit. Come up with some excuse like “Harm to an Ongoing Matter.” After all, your GPA is an ongoing matter, right?

Pretty sick, right? But the best part of all is that |HARM TO AN ONGOING MATTER Oh, so you think you’re really fucking clever right now, don’t you. Highlighting the text to read the words like a big man, huh? Well get ready. Our lawyers are going to pounce on you so fucking hard. The rest of this is pure nonsense—let’s see how you like that.
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