Tag Archives: friends

“I’ll Totally Be There!” and 5 Other Ways to Say “No” to Your Friend’s A Capella Concert

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KLARMAN HALL— With the upcoming onslaught of finals and never-ending last minute assignments, when your friend hits you with  “My a capella group is having a concert this weekend, you’re definitely coming through, right?” the most immediate and resounding internal response is a shrieking, guttural “Dear God, no.” 

So how do you, unsuspecting and innocent, navigate your way out of this awful-hellscape and into any other Friday night activities? There are a few ways out of this fate, should you brave the course:

1. “I’ll totally be there!” 

It is, of course, always a safe move to just lie to them. It’s definitely not like they will have a check in at the auditorium on the night of the concert, and even if they did, who gives a shit? Definitely not your friend.

2. “Oh no! I have something that night 🙁 ” 

A classic excuse, the “I’m busy.” This is without a doubt a surefire way to get yourself right on out of there, and right into some stinky frat basement. Pepper in the frowny face for some extra flavor, and kiss that sweet, sweet music goodbye. 

3. “I’ll definitely let you know.” 

Ah yes, delay the inevitable. If you put off telling your friend whether you can make it to their concert or not, word on the street is, the concert will eventually happen. Feel free to leave your friend in limbo for all eternity, and just like that, you’re out clean!

4. “Yes!” 

This one is a good bet if you’re looking for simplicity. A lie with no strings attached, a simple agreement can save you further conversation in the present, and you need only offer a confusion of dates in the aftermath. 

5. “Maybe” 

Again, an in-between place is a very nice place to start. Definitely hit your friend with that maybe, and then never, ever clarify your presence. It’s best, really, this state of confusion一no one gets hurt. 

6. “My other friend actually has a concert that night too” 

Ah yes, an a capella salvation. What can save you except the hell you have been damned to in the first place. If you cannot go to their concert, it must only be because you have another dear friend to support. Just like that you are saved, and you are glorious. 

Celebrate Black History Month at Cornell with Your Favorite Black Friends

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It’s February, so that means it’s time to celebrate Black History Month! We all know about Martin Luther King Jr. and Harriet Tubman, so let’s take this opportunity to reflect on all of the meaningful connections you have made with your black friends, emphasis on the “s!”  What a good person you are! Without further ado, here’s a tribute to your favorite Black People™ at Cornell:

Cynthia

Here’s Cynthia!  Remember her? You walked over her while she lying down in protest in Willard Straight Hall. While you’re not sure why she’s so angry all the time, she certainly has some spunk! This one’s for you, Cynthia!

Johnny

Johnny sat in from of you in chemistry last year, and you liked his Facebook post about racism on campus. Good for you, bud!

That One Group of African Students

African students are an important part of the Cornell community and they deserve some recognition too! You don’t actually know any them but maybe you can ask them to give you some African lessons!

Kahlil

Don’t forget about Kahlil! He invited you to a Alpha Phi Alpha party and you managed to last five minutes without clutching your wallet and crying! He also taught you to dab without embarrassing yourself! Yay Kahlil!

Imani

Imani over there is the only person of color in your sorority, who thankfully fulfills your chapter’s diversity quota. One of these days you might even have a substantive conversation with her. Baby steps!

Isaiah

You haven’t even seen Isaiah in person, but you have a friend who’s friends with him, so that counts too, right? Score one for diversity!

Luis

While Luis is Dominican, you’re still unsure whether he’s black or not. Regardless, you don’t speak Spanish, so you’ll probably never find out anyway. Three cheers to you, Luis!

Wow! With so many African American friends, the possibilities for celebrating Black History Month at Cornell are endless!