morgan stanley | CU Noozfeed

It’s time for on-campus recruiting, and a good interview can mean the difference between a sweet internship and chopping Whole Foods tomatoes for a 3rd straight summer. Here’s a test to see if you’ve got the skills under pressure to land the job!

1. Hi, I’m Derek Handelton, Northeast Representative for Morgan Stanley. Thanks for meeting with me today. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?

Hi I’m Jake. My friends call me Jake the Snake.

Great to meet you Derek! My name’s Maia, and when I was 7 I bought and sold my first stocks, earning solid 3%-5% returns across the board. At the age of 12 I served for 4 years as my family’s Financial Advisor, during which I’m proud to say I managed a very lucrative real-estate venture purchasing and renting several of my neighbors’ houses. I also have a cat named Profit.

I’m Joe Stanley, Morgan was my grandfather. It was his dying wish that I intern at his company.

2. Hmm, very interesting. And why do you want to work for Morgan Stanley?

I’ve always been fascinated by outer space, and at Morgan Stanley I’ll get the opportunity to work with other passionate engineers dedicated to putting humans on Mars.

For the love of active fundamental equity and global liquidity.

MoneyMoneyMoney$$Money$$$$$MoneyMoney$$$

3. Yeah, definitely. That’s certainly a very popular reason. Now, Morgan Stanley is a company which prides itself in offering its clients the intelligence and creativity of some of the brightest professionals in the industry to create innovative solutions to our clients’ financial needs. Which qualities do you think would make you successful in this kind of environment?

A- in ECON 1120. I totally deserved an A though.

I’d say that I’m a great leader. Last month I actually attended a leadership convention for all the leaders where I led the leading leaders in a discussion about leadership.

I’m actually very sneaky, which I think could really shine in your Tax Evasion and Loophole departments.

4. Ah, very nice… Can you tell me about any relevant experience you have?

Yeah, a lot of times at school I’ll buy some weed from my man Spencer, and then I’ll sell it to other guys at a higher price than I bought it in order to make money.

As treasurer of the Cornell Community Gardens Club, I was able to increase our funding by investing the money we raised from our bake sale in what many other investors saw as a bear market.

I worked for Goldman Sachs last summer, and I think they’re actually ranked a lot higher than you guys, so I’m pretty sure I can handle Morgan Stanley.

5. So I think that’s about all I had for you. Do you have any questions for me?

Do you smell that? What is that?

Can you write me a letter of recommendation?

Nope

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