1. Are you sure you want to unsubscribe?

2.

Seems like you’re asking to unsubscribe from this listserv. We’re sad to see you go. We wouldn’t want you to miss out on any important updates from our organization, which we promise will be brief and infrequent! Now, are you really sure you want to unsubscribe?

3.

Woah there, you’re hurting our feelings! All we ever wanted to do was give you quick and to-the-point updates from our organization… because we care about you! Will you give our listserv another chance?

4. Well, well, well, looks like we’re going to have to do this the hard way. This is Pablo. Pablo is a 3-week old kitten we found abandoned outside your building. If you want to stay on the listserv, click to give Pablo food, shelter, and kitten friends for the rest of his days. If you still want to leave this listserv, we kick Pablo to the curb.

5. Are you sure you want to leave us? I wouldn’t be too sure after you hear this. We’ve captured your girlfriend, Karen, and we’re brainwashing her to become part of this listserv. She keeps calling your name… like you could possibly save her now! Stay on the listserv and she goes free. Leave, and she goes in the trash compactor.

6. You heartless fool! May her screams haunt you forever. But still… we see potential in you. We want you to join us, in our quest to spam the entire earth with our listserv emails. If you stay, we promise you all your earthly desires: money, power, love. We will find you a new Karen. You will live the life you’ve only dreamed of. But if you choose to leave now, a life of despair awaits you. Everyone you know and love will turn against you. You will no longer receive our emails or any shred of happiness.

7. Now you’ve really angered the beast! This listserv has no tolerance for absconders and vile betrayers! Stay, and join our listserv as we continue our journey to plague the whole world with our emails, or enter into the firey depths of Hell! Only there will you be free from our vicious spam.