I Understand That College Applications are Evaluated Holistically, But Can Someone Tell Me Whose Dick I Have To Suck To Get My Son Into Cornell?

Hey guys. I’m just a father trying to get my son into Cornell University, and yeah, I’ve heard the whole shpiel. “All applications are evaluated holistically…” and blah blah blah, but give me a break. What I really wanna know is, whose dick I have to suck to get my son admitted to this prestigious…

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