College Formals | CU Noozfeed

Well, it’s the big night. Every semester, you and everyone else in your exclusive organization get together, get dressed up, and get fucking trashed. You still haven’t lived down the events of last formal. You can’t really remember them, but from others you’ve pieced together that they involved a pink flamingo, your exposed genitals, and a very old taping of the 2004 Kid’s Choice Awards. Let’s see if you can get through this one without fucking everything up.

1. First things first: What are you gonna wear?

Suit and red tie. My ol’ reliable.

Y’know what, let’s get a little bit tacky. Plaid sports jacket, T-shirt, and Chubbies.

Clothes are for dweebs! Underwear or nothing my man.

I guess nothing works too ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

2. Fuck. You’re at the pre-game and your date just cancelled on you. Who do you call as your backup date?

Guess I’ll hit up Meghan from my ILR Stats class. She’s pretty cute, and she let me look at her solutions that one time.

Mindy from across the hall is aight. She let me cut in front of her once to use the water fountain to fill up my water bottle. Or did she?

Well, my ILR Stats TA is pretty cute, and she passed me on the last problem set so…

I mean, my mom lives in Lansing…

3. Alright, you’ve got your date and it’s time to pre-game. How hard do you go?

Last formal didn’t go to great, so maybe take it easy ‘till we get there.

Eh, a couple shots never hurt nobody. I mean, except for me. Last formal…

Fuck it, take a pull from the bottle. It’s formal!

Y’know, that old formal was old me. This is the new me. Time to drink the whole bottle and grab my lucky pink flamingo.

4. Okay, last call before the bus leaves. Anything you need to grab?

Oh right, my date!

My bro Brandon. He’s gotta be there for me because I don’t do nothin’ without my bro Brandon. I fuckin’ love you Brandon.

Another bottle for the road. Papa’s gonna need a new pair of shoes after this formal!

Can’t have a formal without my lucky Kid’s Choice Awards recording (you say in slurred tones)

5. You’re at the formal. It’s Chi Buff… again. But hey, let’s make the most of the evening. What do you do?

Go straight for the buffet. You’re a hungry boy!

Chat up your date a little bit.

Oh shit, is that another bottle?

Straight to the party room. RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.

6. Okay, your date wants to go dance. What now?

Well shit, let’s go and dance with her.

Eh… those short ribs look pretty good right about now. She can wait.

Nah, I think I drank too much. Gonna have to sit this one out for a bit.

Fuck her. This boy wanna get his drank on.

7. Hey man, Brandon’s date looks kinda cute…

No, I am a man of principle. I will stand with my date until the day I die.

Nah dude, that’s Brandon. I can’t fuck over Brandon. I told him he could be my best man at graduation. That’s a thing, right?

Y’know what, you have a point…

Threesome?

8. Well, you’re back on the bus, sitting next to your date.

Ask her if she wants to hookup.

Attempt to kiss her, which she responds to by pulling away onto the other seat, falling onto Brandon’s lap, and hooking up with Brandon. WTF Brandon I thought we were bros?

Puke out the window for the next half hour. It builds character,

It’s getting kinda hot in here. These pants gotta go off!

9. Okay you’ve made it back home, luckily in one piece. What to now?

Go to bed and get a good night’s sleep. You’ve got a review session in the morning.

Talk to the rest of your bros in the kitchen about what a crazy night that was.

Puke on the porch for a couple more hours. Damn, shouldn’t have snagged that J someone was smoking outside Chi Buff.

Hmmm… Does Brandon wanna fuck?

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QUIZ: Can You Avoid Messing Up This Formal?