Tag Archives: Election

Quiz: Is He a Republican or Did He Just Forget His Mask at Home?

You’re walking through Ho Plaza, and you see a guy your age wearing flannel, which is a red flag already, but: uh oh! What’s that you see? He’s not wearing a mask! You quickly move through the five stages of grief reckoning with the fact he is definitely a Trump supporter who believes dead Biden supporters stole the election,
until you realize it’s possible he might’ve just, like… forgotten it? How do you know?

We’ve got you covered. Take this quiz to find out!

1. Is he taking your mask off with his eyes?


2. Does he look unconcerned while wearing a red baseball cap?


3. Is he maintaining social distancing?


4. Does he refer to women as ‘females’?


5. Does his name have “the Third” or “the Fourth” in it?


6. Has he ever read a book by Ayn Rand and not thought, “gross”?


7. Does he jerk off to stock market reports?


8. Does he use the word “actually” at least once a day?


9. Does he suddenly get very defensive when someone mentions Harry Styles?


10. Was he nowhere to be found on November 7th?


A Shame To Their Country: These Un-American 17 Year-Old Freshmen Didn’t Vote

Our extraordinary democracy stands as a pillar of individual freedom, liberty, and humanity’s celebration of self-autonomy. A beacon of American exceptionalism, our ballot boxes serve as a representation of our country’s greatest ideals. However, there somehow are still 17 year-old Cornell freshmen who would dare to stain our beautiful nation by not voting.

Unappreciative of the freedom that they possess, these underage cretins stand to smear one of the greatest things the world has to offer. Selecting one’s own leader is a simple responsibility we share as citizens of this great nation, but these lazy minors can’t seem to muster up the interest to even send a mail-in ballot. That’s just disgusting


We’ve all heard the usual excuses: “My vote won’t matter,” “I don’t like any of the candidates,” or “I’m not legally allowed to vote in this country for another 4 months.” Don’t these pathetic children understand that their undermining of the electoral process will destroy America, ushering in the next era of political apathy?

So let’s get out and vote, Cornell, and not let these miserable youths ruin our glorious freedom. Face it, voting’s a huge deal – far too big to let something silly like age get in the way of upholding our civic duty.