Tag Archives: mental health

Mental Health Win: Cornell Health Releases 40 Therapy Dogs into the Wild

CORNELL HEALTH—At a Friday morning launch event, representatives from Cornell Health’s Strategic Mental Health Task Force released dozens of trained therapy dogs to freely roam campus in an effort to reduce patient wait times.

“We hear a lot about folks not wanting to wait three months to meet with a mental health counselor,” explained task force chairwoman Natalie Caldrino, “so we thought playing to students’ hunter-gatherer instincts would be the next best alternative.” 

According to sources familiar with the matter, the dogs were initially supposed to be trackable via an app, but upon learning about the associated costs, Cornell Health instead opted to let the dogs go and hope for the best. 

“I suffer from severe anxiety and waiting around for a counselor to see me was getting pretty stale,” said Noah Pendor ’22 “But who needs a counselor when you can chase down a cold, frightened animal and force it to comfort you.” 

As of press time, there were no more dogs.

Mental Health Win! Cornell Adds Three More Counselors To Serve Population of 23,000

After years of complaints, it looks like Cornell may finally be listening to the student body. Today the university announced they will be adding not one, not even two, but THREE full-time counselors for Cornell’s 23,000 undergraduate, graduate, and professional students!

These aren’t just any counselors they’re hiring, either. All three counselors are incredibly well-qualified to work with students, each having either once been a student themself or having known other college students. Adriana, Jen, and Peter will have absolutely no problem handling each of a mere 2 dozen thousand students’ mental health concerns.

If you’re a student, get ready for your life to change. Students on the appointment waitlist, for example, are expected to see their average remaining three-month wait brought down by as much as six business days. Good luck finding something to complain about now!