Tag Archives: Formal

Major Bombshell: Declassified Memo Reveals That Chad Isn’t Asking You To Formal

Last Friday saw the release of a highly anticipated, recently declassified IFC memo that is already sending shockwaves through the Greek system’s major houses.

Despite all signs indicating that he was going to take you to formal, this memo—meticulously cultivated from over 600 messages ranging from pledge class GroupMes to screenshotted SnapChats—paints a stunning picture of how Chad has actually been executing a calculated plan to invite Jessica instead, seeing that Jessica broke up with her boyfriend at the end of last semester.

The sensational document acts as total rebuke of the memo released earlier this month, which detailed how Chad really enjoyed sake bombing with you at his last date night. Previously released records reveal that Chad had even been heard saying he could see you two “getting cuffed,” from anonymous sources.

Weeks of hotly tested debate led to the release of the memo with extensive redactions to protect the sensitive information about sacred Rho Upsilon Tau pledging traditions littered through the messages on Chad’s phone.

Chad has publically pushed back against the memo on Twitter, calling it “definitely not chill,” and arguing that a majority of the incriminating information was illegally obtained by unlocking his phone with his finger while he was sleeping.

QUIZ: Can You Avoid Messing Up This Formal?

Well, it’s the big night. Every semester, you and everyone else in your exclusive organization get together, get dressed up, and get fucking trashed. You still haven’t lived down the events of last formal. You can’t really remember them, but from others you’ve pieced together that they involved a pink flamingo, your exposed genitals, and a very old taping of the 2004 Kid’s Choice Awards. Let’s see if you can get through this one without fucking everything up.

1. First things first: What are you gonna wear?


2. Fuck. You’re at the pre-game and your date just cancelled on you. Who do you call as your backup date?


3. Alright, you’ve got your date and it’s time to pre-game. How hard do you go?


4. Okay, last call before the bus leaves. Anything you need to grab?


5. You’re at the formal. It’s Chi Buff… again. But hey, let’s make the most of the evening. What do you do?


6. Okay, your date wants to go dance. What now?


7. Hey man, Brandon’s date looks kinda cute…


8. Well, you’re back on the bus, sitting next to your date.


9. Okay you’ve made it back home, luckily in one piece. What to now?