Tag Archives: Job Market

Happy International Women’s Day! My Interviewer Asked Me A Sexist Question and I Still Got the Job!

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Today is International Women’s Day. Better known as March 8th, today is a day on which we celebrate the many achievements of women around the world. As a woman, I have had several accomplishments that have made this day worth celebrating, but nothing takes the cake quite like getting a job even after my interviewer asked me a sexist question!

Now I am not going to lie, I was certainly taken aback when my interviewer asked if I had plans to get pregnant any time in the next 15 years or if I was worried about the big scary machinery ruining my perfectly manicured nails. Not wanting to ruin my chances of receiving an offer, I responded as any woman in STEM would with an overenthusiastic “absolutely not!” through a faux smile and gritted teeth. Pussy power ladies!

Plus, the interviewer was only like the VP of this company so it’s not like he’ll treat me exactly the way he did during the interview, if not worse, in a real workplace environment. If it’s anything like my engineering classes here, I’ll at best be ignored and at worst be given all the non-technical tasks because my dumb female brain can’t comprehend anything besides “don’t overcook dinner.”

Who am I kidding? I’m sure I can easily prove to my all-male my coworkers that I’m not just some object to be sexually harassed. After I demonstrate my strong work ethic and technical know-how, they will soon realize that I am actually a very capable object, just not one cut out for upper management. F*minism FTW!

9 Ways to Make a Great First Impression

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Meeting future recommenders at your internship can seem intimidating, but with this guide to making a great first impression, you can’t go wrong. Here are 9 tips to succeed!

1. Assess the weather to start every conversation. Nice sun today, eh? It shows that you’re relatable.

2. Always nod when people speak, even if they’re not speaking to you. It at least shows them that you’re awake.

3. Make sure your shirt has sweat marks at all times so they know you’re working hard.

4. Plot twist: spill coffee on yourself to avoid accidentally getting some on your boss.

5. Identify your boss’ biggest confidante and copy their look, mannerisms, and scent exactly. Try for their spouse, the confessional at church, or their dog. You want to establish some level of familiarity.

6. When you meet Diane at HR, compliment her. Diane is a hardworking mother with three unruly kids in Little League and she doesn’t mess around. You want Diane to like you.

7. When greeted with “Hi, how are you?,” make sure to really engage in conversation by explaining that you’re doing alright, but last night you were reminded of one of your biggest weaknesses—which is working too hard—but you’re feeling hopeful because you know that you can spend this summer really thinking about how to better manage your time and become more effective at work.

8. Take over the copy machine. Move your belongings to build a fort around it and stand guard at all times. That way, everyone has to go through you to use the copier, and you know you’ll always be needed around the office.

9. Show them you’re making the most out of your internship experience. Drink the free coffee and don’t forget to grab a bathroom tissue roll on the way out!

Job Posting: The Perfect Entry Level Position for Soon-to-Be Cornell Graduate

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Our company is seeking a motivated, hard-working, and employment-oriented soon-to-be college graduate from Cornell University to fill an entry level position for our up-and-coming startup that was recently mentioned in the New York Times AND featured in Buzzfeed’s highly acclaimed “16 Most Fun Work Environments” listicle! We have openings in our following branches: New York, NY; San Francisco, CA; Seattle, WA; Honolulu, HI; London, England; Paris, France; Johannesburg, South Africa; Tokyo, Japan; and Papeete, Tahiti.

Duties: The individual selected for the program will:
· Manage generic data using the most basic Microsoft Excel functions
· Create and distribute artistic and/or technical workplace posters, depending on the Bachelor’s degree of the individual
· Participate in amusing banter with the rest of the under-28 staff
· Assign more difficult tasks to one of the interns
· Provide in-depth responses to questions about the newest Star Wars film
· Spend an appropriate amount of time on Facebook commenting words of encouragement on friends’ posts about their job searches
· Act professional yet chill in the workplace

Qualifications: Those applying for this position must meet the following requirements:
· Graduated from Cornell University with a minimum 2.0 GPA
· Majored in Mathematics, Physics, Biology, Environmental Science, Environmental Policy, History, Government, English, Comparative Literature, Art, Architecture, Psychology, Sociology, Scientology, Religious Studies, Hotel Management, Economics, Business, Pre-Law, or anything vaguely similar to the above.
· Minored in something totally unrelated to their major but had really fun classes so you decided “what the heck, maybe it’ll be useful one day”
· At least two (2) years of experience in adjusting your resume to make it seem like you have real-world experience
· Strong communication skills, or at least the ability to thank the pizza delivery guy without saying “you too!” when he says “enjoy your pizza!”
· Ability to work effectively in a group setting while taking the majority of the credit
· Attention to detail, which we’ll assume you have anyway
· A deep passion for having a job

Compensation:
The selected individual will be given a salary that is large enough for them to live comfortably in whichever location they choose but low enough so that their jealous friends won’t hate them. The company offers a comprehensive benefits package, including health insurance, life insurance, dental and vision coverage, retirement planning, wedding planning, and AAA roadside assistance. A free lunch buffet will also be offered on Wednesdays in the company bistro/sushi bar/lounge.

To Apply:
Please submit a cover letter, resume, three letters of recommendation from professors you barely know but you did well enough in their classes to merit a recommendation, and your desired workplace location by March 1st. The selected individual is expected to begin working on June 1st, or whenever the individual is done traveling through Europe with friends.

Easy Target: The New Hampshire Goalie’s Father Just Got Laid Off

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Good news, Lynah Faithful! At this Saturday’s hockey game at Madison Square Garden, it will be an easy time to come up with ways to taunt University of New Hampshire goalie Jeff McCray because, as of last monday morning, his father was just laid off from the automobile manufacturing job he held since 1987!

Can you say “Sieve!”?

It won’t be hard for Cornell fans to come up with jeers such as “You’re fired, McCray!” and “Struggling to pay the bills?!”. After hearing “Hey Jeff, your father’s employer just called and he said,” students will get to yell at the top of their lungs: “nothing because your dad is unemployed!” with as much energy as the Chinese economy, boosted from outsourcing of American jobs. Don’t let me down!

Cornellians were certainly given quite a scare yesterday when McCray announced he was considering dropping out of college to return home and earn money to support his struggling family. Luckily, because he’s decided to stay on the UNH hockey team and follow his dad’s advice to “never stop pursuing his dreams,” fans will be free to yell at him until he breaks down in tears!

For those who want to support McCray’s family, his parents are currently collecting donations to stop the bank from foreclosing their home.