Tag Archives: job

Happy International Women’s Day! My Interviewer Asked Me A Sexist Question and I Still Got the Job!

Today is International Women’s Day. Better known as March 8th, today is a day on which we celebrate the many achievements of women around the world. As a woman, I have had several accomplishments that have made this day worth celebrating, but nothing takes the cake quite like getting a job even after my interviewer asked me a sexist question!

Now I am not going to lie, I was certainly taken aback when my interviewer asked if I had plans to get pregnant any time in the next 15 years or if I was worried about the big scary machinery ruining my perfectly manicured nails. Not wanting to ruin my chances of receiving an offer, I responded as any woman in STEM would with an overenthusiastic “absolutely not!” through a faux smile and gritted teeth. Pussy power ladies!

Plus, the interviewer was only like the VP of this company so it’s not like he’ll treat me exactly the way he did during the interview, if not worse, in a real workplace environment. If it’s anything like my engineering classes here, I’ll at best be ignored and at worst be given all the non-technical tasks because my dumb female brain can’t comprehend anything besides “don’t overcook dinner.”

Who am I kidding? I’m sure I can easily prove to my all-male my coworkers that I’m not just some object to be sexually harassed. After I demonstrate my strong work ethic and technical know-how, they will soon realize that I am actually a very capable object, just not one cut out for upper management. F*minism FTW!

Student With Job Interview Lookin’ All Fancy All of a Sudden

Walking around in a brand-spankin’ new suit and with a big fat leather resume folder to boot, students confirmed local senior Hari Srinivasan had a job interview and was lookin’ all fancy all of a sudden.

“Whaaaat?” said fellow student Lindsey Fong. “This guy usually wears one kind of clothes, and now he’s wearing another kind of clothes! What’s that all about?” Sure as heck, Srinivasan had put on his dapper wrapper to go see the boss man about a gig.

Onlookers were flabbergasted to see Srinivasan transformed from his class attire (sweats and muffin crumbs) to this class attire (this brand spankin’ new three-piece suit). “I feel like I’m seeing a whole new side of him,” said best friend George Callahan. Well, it’s handsome o’clock, and Srinivasan’s got his exceptionally stylish watch set right on time.

Analysts predict Srinivasan will be hired on sight, as recruiters will be stunned and amazed by his real, actual fancy pants.

Job Posting: The Perfect Entry Level Position for Soon-to-Be Cornell Graduate

Our company is seeking a motivated, hard-working, and employment-oriented soon-to-be college graduate from Cornell University to fill an entry level position for our up-and-coming startup that was recently mentioned in the New York Times AND featured in Buzzfeed’s highly acclaimed “16 Most Fun Work Environments” listicle! We have openings in our following branches: New York, NY; San Francisco, CA; Seattle, WA; Honolulu, HI; London, England; Paris, France; Johannesburg, South Africa; Tokyo, Japan; and Papeete, Tahiti.

Duties: The individual selected for the program will:
· Manage generic data using the most basic Microsoft Excel functions
· Create and distribute artistic and/or technical workplace posters, depending on the Bachelor’s degree of the individual
· Participate in amusing banter with the rest of the under-28 staff
· Assign more difficult tasks to one of the interns
· Provide in-depth responses to questions about the newest Star Wars film
· Spend an appropriate amount of time on Facebook commenting words of encouragement on friends’ posts about their job searches
· Act professional yet chill in the workplace

Qualifications: Those applying for this position must meet the following requirements:
· Graduated from Cornell University with a minimum 2.0 GPA
· Majored in Mathematics, Physics, Biology, Environmental Science, Environmental Policy, History, Government, English, Comparative Literature, Art, Architecture, Psychology, Sociology, Scientology, Religious Studies, Hotel Management, Economics, Business, Pre-Law, or anything vaguely similar to the above.
· Minored in something totally unrelated to their major but had really fun classes so you decided “what the heck, maybe it’ll be useful one day”
· At least two (2) years of experience in adjusting your resume to make it seem like you have real-world experience
· Strong communication skills, or at least the ability to thank the pizza delivery guy without saying “you too!” when he says “enjoy your pizza!”
· Ability to work effectively in a group setting while taking the majority of the credit
· Attention to detail, which we’ll assume you have anyway
· A deep passion for having a job

The selected individual will be given a salary that is large enough for them to live comfortably in whichever location they choose but low enough so that their jealous friends won’t hate them. The company offers a comprehensive benefits package, including health insurance, life insurance, dental and vision coverage, retirement planning, wedding planning, and AAA roadside assistance. A free lunch buffet will also be offered on Wednesdays in the company bistro/sushi bar/lounge.

To Apply:
Please submit a cover letter, resume, three letters of recommendation from professors you barely know but you did well enough in their classes to merit a recommendation, and your desired workplace location by March 1st. The selected individual is expected to begin working on June 1st, or whenever the individual is done traveling through Europe with friends.

Can You Ace This Job Interview?

It’s time for on-campus recruiting, and a good interview can mean the difference between a sweet internship and chopping Whole Foods tomatoes for a 3rd straight summer. Here’s a test to see if you’ve got the skills under pressure to land the job!

1. Hi, I’m Derek Handelton, Northeast Representative for Morgan Stanley. Thanks for meeting with me today. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself?


2. Hmm, very interesting. And why do you want to work for Morgan Stanley?


3. Yeah, definitely. That’s certainly a very popular reason. Now, Morgan Stanley is a company which prides itself in offering its clients the intelligence and creativity of some of the brightest professionals in the industry to create innovative solutions to our clients’ financial needs. Which qualities do you think would make you successful in this kind of environment?


4. Ah, very nice… Can you tell me about any relevant experience you have?


5. So I think that’s about all I had for you. Do you have any questions for me?


Question 1 of 5