Tag Archives: spring break

Travel Alert! Students Unable to Make It From Bed to Class After Break

After the glorious week away from class provided by Spring Break, many students are still struggling with their various trips to campus all the way from their dorm rooms or apartments.

“There are just so many legs to the journey,” mumbled sophomore Genevieve Perreine through two blankets and a pillow. “First I’d have to get out of bed, then I’d have to walk from Sheldon next door to my class in Schwartz. I mean, I’d never be able to coordinate a trip like that. You know. Delays. Cancellations. It wouldn’t work.”

The latest reports indicate that Perreine is still asleep in bed.

Marcus Lee ‘21 grappled with the same problem, writing frantic emails to his professors and begging to be excused due to travel conflicts. “This was a totally unforeseeable circumstance,” wrote Lee, bleary-eyed and miserably decaffeinated. “My bus is delayed.” Upon further investigation, the bus was not CoachUSA as he had implied, but a mere TCAT, meaning delays were in fact very foreseeable.

A group of engineers is currently trying to hang glide from the clocktower to avoid walking traffic on Ho Plaza; stay tuned to see how that goes!

Gross! This Roommate Forgot to Throw Out His Decomposing Goat Carcass Before Break

We’ve all heard awful roommate stories before, but none as bad as this.

After Spring Break, Dylan Murphy ‘19 returned to his Becker Hall dorm only to discover, to his dismay, that his roommate Chad Stapleton ‘19 accidentally left a bloody goat carcass from their vernal equinox pagan sacrifice out in the open for THE ENTIRE BREAK.

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Ew! What gives, Stapleton? Trying to win the Worst Roommate of the Year Award?

Stapleton was supposed to properly dispose of the goat before closing up the room, but foolishly thought that either the Norse god Freyr would consume it or the Becker cleaning crew would throw it out instead.

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“Now my room smells like rotten meat,” said an infuriated Murphy. “Thanks a lot, Chad.”

As if matters could get any worse, both roommates were fined during room inspections because Stapleton forgot to hide an extension cord. Good going, you idiot!