Tag Archives: Women

Girlboss Moment? I Got an Internship at Mommy’s Company Instead of My Daddy’s

Hey boss babes! I think we can all agree that this year’s recruiting season has been a real toughie, even for the strongest girlies out there. I know for me personally, my internship search was filled with long, grueling hours of sending my half-assed resume to my mommy and daddy to share with their extensive list of professional connections. That’s why I’m thrilled to share that I’ve accepted an internship offer at my mommy’s company!

I wanted to share this special moment with my fellow WomEntrepreneurs not just because I got this position at a Fortune 500 company with little-to-no effort, but because I got it at my MOMMY’s company instead of my daddy’s! If you ask me, there’s no better way to celebrate Women’s History Month than with a girlboss moment!

I know what you’re thinking: my unmatched display of girl power has propelled me to the forefront of the feminist movement. I love activism, and it’s sooo awesome that us ladies can do nepotism too! With my two newfound leadership positions I can’t wait to shatter the last remaining glass ceiling: the wage gap between white women and white men!

Social Distancing Win? I Got Lost

While on a trek to Nasties for a 1:00 a.m. meatball sub, I suddenly realized that I was in what seemed to be a large forest. There wasn’t a soul in sight. You know what that means—I can let down my mask and breathe in the crisp fall air! No risk of COVID-19 transmission here!

Just me, myself, and I, as well as something that may have been a mountain lion. Or maybe it was a coyote? Either way, it wasn’t wearing a mask but was greater than six feet away, so I think that’s probably okay. Besides, it wasn’t coughing or anything, but boy can it growl!

Wait, do we even have mountain lions in Ithaca? Aren’t those more of a mountain thing? Am I in Vermont? I sure hope so, because they have the lowest number of cases per 100,000 residents of any state in the USA!

My phone died a while ago, so I can’t check Google Maps or anything—and more importantly, I can’t complete my Daily Check. Hopefully Cayuga Medical will understand that I’m practicing a more effective form of virus protection: walking so far into the countryside that I haven’t seen any lights in at least an hour.

If we all took such simple measures as venturing an unknown distance into a vast wilderness in the night, I bet we’d knock out the coronavirus in a jiffy. Health goals! I am getting very cold!

Happy International Women’s Day! My Interviewer Asked Me A Sexist Question and I Still Got the Job!

Today is International Women’s Day. Better known as March 8th, today is a day on which we celebrate the many achievements of women around the world. As a woman, I have had several accomplishments that have made this day worth celebrating, but nothing takes the cake quite like getting a job even after my interviewer asked me a sexist question!

Now I am not going to lie, I was certainly taken aback when my interviewer asked if I had plans to get pregnant any time in the next 15 years or if I was worried about the big scary machinery ruining my perfectly manicured nails. Not wanting to ruin my chances of receiving an offer, I responded as any woman in STEM would with an overenthusiastic “absolutely not!” through a faux smile and gritted teeth. Pussy power ladies!

Plus, the interviewer was only like the VP of this company so it’s not like he’ll treat me exactly the way he did during the interview, if not worse, in a real workplace environment. If it’s anything like my engineering classes here, I’ll at best be ignored and at worst be given all the non-technical tasks because my dumb female brain can’t comprehend anything besides “don’t overcook dinner.”

Who am I kidding? I’m sure I can easily prove to my all-male my coworkers that I’m not just some object to be sexually harassed. After I demonstrate my strong work ethic and technical know-how, they will soon realize that I am actually a very capable object, just not one cut out for upper management. F*minism FTW!

How To Justify To Marie Kondo That Empty Alcohol Bottles Bring You Joy

It might feel like Ithaca winter will drag on forever, but spring cleaning time will be here before you know it. And who better to consult for advice than Marie Kondo, author of the best-selling “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” and star of her eponymous Netflix series?

So here’s the dealio – Marie’s method tells us to reflect on each of our belongings (yes, even your crusty old mouthguard) and keep them only if they spark joy.

You might be tempted to toss that economics textbook, but remember: the textbook helps you pass the class, which helps you graduate with a degree in Finance, which will score you a cushy Wall Street job. And money sure brings you joy!

A way tougher conundrum comes in the form of those empty bottles of Svedka lining the top of your kitchen cabinets. Sure, knocking back a cold one brings you all sorts of joy, but Mrs. Kondo might insist that you thank the bottle for its service and discard it, now that it’s outlived its usefulness.

Not so fast! You’ve got a strong claim that those bottles are still presently bringing you joy.  They’re a reminder of a happier, simpler time, like last Thursday, when you downed a magnum bottle of Barefoot White Zinfandel by yourself in the dark because you got your fourth job rejection in a week. These bottles show you’re chill! You can hang! You’re one of the bros!

Sure, your mom might cry every time she walks into your dingy Collegetown apartment because her “worst fears have been realized” and you’re “turning out just like your father,” but think of how informational your collection is! Move over, FiveThirtyEight, this is a real-life infographic of all the fun you’ve had.

Armed with these arguments, you are prepared to stand up to Marie Kondo for your right to amass years of party remnants for all to see. Although, you could probably just avoid all of this conflict in the first place by passing on spring cleaning this go-around.

How To Tell If That Cool Girl In Your FWS Is Actually Cool Or Has Internalized Affectations Of The “Cool Girl” Role Due To Societal Pressures

It’s true – that girl in MEDVL 1101: Young Idiots vs. Toxic Elders with you seems really cool. But is she actually cool, or is she just an angsty little ball of insecurity desperately yearning to be perceived as cool because she never got over her lack of friends in middle school? Here’s how you can tell the difference!



She might seem busy when she swifty yet confidently flicks through her many notifications – but what if her phone isn’t buzzing with group chats, just duolingo reminders and twitter trends?

In order to discern if she’s feigning digital popularity, research if she’s constantly being bombarded by messaging that tells her that her worth and likeability are inexorably linked.



Is she being honest, you wonder, when after making an insightful remark in class she leans over and conspiratorial whispers to you that she never did the reading?

This one’s simple! Just find out if her mother unintentionally reinforced the expectation that women be effortless in their intelligence and self-deprecating towards their accomplishments, and you have your answer.



Fuck! Her confession that she felt isolated during her first month at Cornell but found a community she loves in a niche social activism group on campus only makes her cooler. Is she being real with you, or has she learned that slight vulnerability will disarm people who have been raised to be suspicious of and intimidated by self-confident women?

There’s an easy trick to tell! Just find out if she might have been subject to repeated social punishments for unabashed confidence from a young age!



Her messy lob appears to be a product of her refusal to align with traditional standards of femininity, but she also could have seen a photo of Cara Delivigne and thought it would make her appear carefree and low-maintenance. Which was her influence? Are her bed-head waves the product of a few lazy squirts of a sea-salt spray or a daily 45-minute hair-curling routine?

Just think – has she, from a young age, internalized expectations about how women should always look effortlessly beautiful? Did she read YA fiction as a teen? Has she seen more than 5 movies made in the last 126 years? Does she know what a TV is? This should give you the insights you need!


Hopefully by now you’ve figured out whether the cool girl effortlessly displays the set of incidentally consumerist and deferential traits that fit the media’s stereotype of a cool girl independent from any social pressures! Now, you can go back to figuring out if the vocal Republican in the class really is “solidly middle-class” like he claims.

Inspiring! Sorority Elects All-Female Eboard

Sisters of Kappa Nu Kappa were blown away last Sunday by the amazing news that every single spot on their next eboard will be taken by a woman.

“I was in shock when I realized,” said new Vice President Wendy Lennon ‘20. “None of us noticed until we all sat down for an eboard meeting, and then we all were like…wait a minute…our sorority eboard has no men???”

Yes, ladies! Take down the patriarchy!

The sorority reached out to the Panhellenic Council to find out if this is the first all-female sorority eboard in history, and Council President Cindy Sweeney ‘20 was floored by the news. “No men? Not even the President? What?! But how does it work?

Um, girl power, Cindy! That’s how!

Marie-Anne Conner ‘22, a member of the sorority, explained: “We just chose the most qualified candidates, without thinking about gender as a factor. I know it sounds like a miracle, but it really did happen. Against all odds, the eboard of our sorority is 100% women.” You go, girls!

If you’re worried that KNK’s new eboard might waste this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, don’t be: they’ve already jumped into action and sent a strongly-worded letter to a nearby fraternity with an all-male eboard.

QUIZ: Art Thou Worthy Enough To Mix With Us?

Sure, thy may hath the swank in her soul, but dost thou fit the fill to mix with us?

1. Dost your lecherous soul permit the showing of the ankle?


2. Does thine body shine with a light unseen by most men?


3. Dost thou walk like a goddess and talk like a governor?


4. Is your father well regarded in the presence of a monarch?


5. Dost thou wardrobe resign in the clutches of adequacy?


6. As the great Robert Frost said, “The gondolas of fear carry us away on heathenous tides”


7. Wouldst thou shotgun this keystone with me?


Question 1 of 7