October 3, 2018

Five Sexy Ways To Obliterate The Straight White Man Playing Devil’s Advocate in Your Sociology Class

We all know how exhausting it is when that guy raises his hand for the seventh time in class, just to talk about how child labor is economically efficient. But what can you do about it? Well, you know what they say: “The only way to silence a Devil’s Advocate is to distract him with your sexuality, the only weapon you have.” Yay, girl power!

  1. Unzip his patagonia quarter zip while softly placing your hand over his mouth, preventing any more white noise from escaping.
    Sometimes this level of mansplaining demands direct action, and nothing will disrupt his disastrous thought process more than slowly unzipping his fleece. It’s what Rosie the Riveter would’ve wanted.
  2. Suck on a big juicy lollipop while you refute his points during discussions!
    What’s sexier than trying to prove the humanity of marginalized groups to someone who holds the most power in society because of that marginalization? 
  3. Slowly strip off your Cornell sweatshirt and fling it over him so that he can’t see. He’ll hush like a bird when you cover its cage!
    If he thinks the wage gap is a result of women not meeting the physical demands of a “man’s job,” then have fun explaining this perfect aim, buddy. 
  4. Bend and snap his hydroflask all over his notes!
    Take some notes from Elle Woods, ladies. Drop that pen, bend, and snap! Just make sure to snap up so hard that the contents of his $50 water bottle rush all over the Ayn Rand book he keeps on his person at all times. 
  5. Seduce the TA and use pillow talk to convince them to remove that asshole from the class altogether.
    You have more strength in your sultry eyes than this weak, caffeine-operated PhD student can withstand. One suggestion from you will get this guy kicked out of class: Take advantage and Charles Xavier that shit.

 

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