Tag Archives: Professor

Awkward! Professor Keeps Putting Ugly Pet On Zoom

May 13, 2021UncategorizedAcademics, cats, pets, Professor, ZoomNooz Staff

ZOOM—Torturing his students with the horrific sight of his cat Muffins, Cornell ethics professor Daniel Shrocket made it a point to direct his camera front-and-center whenever his frightful bundle of hairballs stalked across his room.

Students in the class have expressed their inability to discern why anyone would adopt such a beast, but have selflessly banded together, noting that it’s in their best interest to keep that to themselves. “Whenever the professor turns the camera on it, I feel the bile gathering in the back of my mouth,” said Alexis Santos ‘23. “Then I realize that the professor controls my grade so I give it three ‘awwwws,’ and I enquire how old the ugly little shit is.”

Those unfortunate enough to attend the professor’s office hours face even greater frights. Andrea Yankoto ‘23 has resorted to skipping class after one virtual encounter with the cat’s mangled fur and protruding teeth. “All I wanted was to clarify an essay’s due date, but when I joined Professor Shrocket was just sitting there stroking his feline like a Bond-villain. Then he asked me ‘isn’t Muffins the cutest,’” recounted Yankoto, eyes glazed. “I just froze. I don’t have the heart to tell him, but god damn that thing is ugly.”

Contrary to his students’ beliefs, Shrocket privately revealed that he is aware of the repulsiveness of his furball; the professor remarked that he “only fondles the little beast to watch the class squirm and kiss ass over their grades.”

Bold! CUPB Assumes Hannibal Buress Funnier Over Zoom Than My Technologically Inept 86-Year-Old Economics Professor

April 14, 2020UncategorizedAcademics, Campus Life, comedy, CUPB, Hannibal Buress, Professor, ZoomNooz Staff

This post is sponsored by CUPB! Cornell University Program Board is proud to (virtually) welcome Hannibal Buress, a cast member on Broad City and co-host on the Eric Andre Show.

This FREE moderated and audience Q&A is only open to the Cornell Community on a first come, first serve basis. Hannibal will be reading your questions, so if you have any, fill out this form: https://forms.gle/uvMLdWGQq5oeLrXu6

To register for the zoom webinar, click below: https://zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_vVW_R8pRQM6oqREpVL_6cw

This FREE event is open to Cornell students, faculty, and staff.

I just found out that Hannibal Buress will be headlining CUPB’s Spring Comedy Show… virtually. Look, I love Hannibal – insanely funny guy – but just so that we’re clear: no matter what he brings to the table during his event this Friday, he will never be half as funny over Zoom as my 86-year-old economics professor, John Elkridge.

Like a lot of people, I was a little disappointed when we were told about the transition to online classes, but honestly, I have never had a better semester at Cornell. I haven’t arrived early to a single in-person class. But ever since Professor Elkridge has been forced to hold classes over Zoom, I line up overnight for this class. Heck, I’ll Zoom in with my parents sometimes.

Yesterday, I tuned into class 20 minutes early. I was the only other person in the conference, and watched with glee as the former Chair of the Economics Department was already 14 slides into presenting a PowerPoint that he had physically printed out and was holding in the wrong direction of the camera. Legendary.

I get it, Hannibal’s been on all these big shows and has his own fancy stand-up specials– whatever. He will never bring me as much joy as when I heard a frustrated Nobel Laureate in pajama pants yell “God damn it, Arlene, the fish are back” when a ‘Baby Shark’ e-card from his great-grandkids appeared as his virtual background. Comedy. Gold.

So yes, I’ll be watching Hannibal’s Zoom thing on Friday, but good luck coming close to matching the comedic stylings of a confused older person forced to try new things… on camera.

Add/Drop Dilemma: My Professor Is Terrible, But Also Hot?

January 31, 2019Uncategorizedacademic, ProfessorNooz Staff

There’s no question that the add/drop period is stressful. There are classes I need to take, and classes I want to take, but at the end of the day, some classes need to get dropped. This semester my decision couldn’t be harder, because on the one hand the professor for my European History class is terrible, but on the other hand, he’s also absurdly hot?

What do I do?!

The first week of class, he delivered a lecture on the Battle of Hastings that was painfully dry, but damn if my mouth wasn’t watering at those baby blue eyes and chiseled jaw that almost make me want to put up with a hundred pages of reading per night? I don’t know if I can give up seeing his light brown hair, immaculate stubble, and complete disinterest in his students.

Seriously, he could be a model in an L.L. Bean catalog if he weren’t teaching a course that would have me write a four-page paper every week for the next two months.

So if I drop the course, I’ll be taking four manageable classes at 16 credits. If I keep it, I’ll have trouble squeezing in time for my social life, but at least I’ll get to watch those bulging, tan muscles scribble facts on the chalkboard about the Great Schism in absolutely unreadable handwriting.

This is a much harder decision than I thought, but I still have a few days to make my choice. In the meantime, you can bet I’ll be fantasizing about him being a better teacher.

Best Day Ever? This Physics Lecture Was Canceled Because the Professor Was in the Hospital

January 25, 2019UncategorizedAcademics, class, faculty, hospital, lecture, ProfessorNooz Staff

Classes haven’t even been going for a week, but today the students of PHYS 2207 received the best news they’ll get all semester—when they all arrived at class this morning, they were informed that lecture was canceled because their professor was in the hospital!

Talk about good fortune!

Some days you just get lucky. Maybe you get a large coffee when you paid for a medium, or you stepped in a puddle that turned out to be frozen solid. But none of those compare to finding out your class is canceled due to your professor’s need for emergency care!

via GIPHY

Some students were even able to stay in bed, since they didn’t get up before the professor was rushed across Ithaca and lecture was canceled! What a way to start the new semester off right.

“Score! I heard rumors that we were going to have a pop quiz in class today but now I’m free,” exclaimed an overjoyed Gary Barnard ’20 on his way to a luxurious, 50-minute breakfast. “I hope the professor’s okay.”

Future physics and engineering majors, consider adding PHYS 2207! You may get lucky and have a bunch of classes cancelled, depending on how well the professor recovers

Amazing! This Oceanography Professor Just Taught an Entire Class Underwater!

December 1, 2015UncategorizedAcademics, Ocean, Oceanography, ProfessorNooz Staff

BAILEY HALL – It’s incredibly satisfying to be in a class where the professor is so committed to engaging their students and gives 110% every day. One of these classes on campus is Introduction to Oceanography, where instructor Bruce Monger just raised the bar again by teaching his entire 950-person class underwater.

Can you say “coolest professor ever”?

It’s not often you see a Cornell professor go the extra mile to make a lecture both educational and fun, but that’s just what Dr. Monger had in mind when he filled the massive 1300-seat Bailey Hall auditorium with millions of gallons of water. “I first came up with the idea when I was looking at the ocean a few months ago. I thought, ‘what better way to teach people about oceanography than to nearly drown them in a giant lecture hall’? Cornell is so far away from the actual ocean, so I figured this is probably the next best thing.”

We agree, Dr. Monger. Now if you could only convince our Italian professor to teach class in a room full of gondolas, we’d have no reason to skip class anymore!