How many of these classic “College Freshman” experiences have you had?

1. Please check all the “Freshman Experiences” you’ve had:

 Getting lost on your first day of classes

 Confusing Olin Hall and Olin Library or Uris Hall and Uris Library

 Going to a Collegetown party during O-Week

 Learning that your father is the villainous leader to the very Galactic Empire that you seek to destroy right after he cuts your hand off

 Mispronouncing “Appel” in front of an upperclassman

 Having an Orientation Week fling with someone you just met

 Coming to a new school after being homeschooled in Africa, attempting to infiltrate the popular clique to make them look bad, and becoming one of them unwittingly before seeing the error of your ways

 Bonding with someone about hating going to Tapestry/Speak About It

 Going out with your entire floor

 Being unable to find “Beta” on West Campus

 Joining your estranged wife at an office Christmas party, only to find that terrorists are holding everyone in the building captive, and it falls to you to save them

 Losing your keys in the first week

 Throwing a “rager” in your forced triple

 Living your life as an average LEGO figurine until you’re branded “The Special” and suddenly are the last hope of saving the whole world from Lord Business

 Passing your swim test…or passing the PE class

 Stepping in for your roommate to interview prestigious businessman Christian Grey and soon diving into a torrid affair that pushes your personal boundaries between pain, pleasure, and fear

 Missing your home friends!

 As England’s Prince Albert (the future King George VI), struggling to give your yearly address due to your debilitating stammer until your wife (Helena Bonham-Carter) and voice teacher Lionel Logue (Geoffrey Rush) teach you to overcome your fears and become the voice of a nation

 Trying desperately to maintain emotion order inside the mind of an 11-year-old Midwestern girl, Riley, with your cohorts, voiced by Bill Hader, Mindy Kaling, Lewis Black, and Phyllis Smith, as moving and puberty take their toll on your beloved little girl

 Arriving at a remote forest cabin with your four college friends, realizing that there is more at play here than anticipated, and one by one seeing your friends die while being labeled as the archetypes of the whore, the athlete, the fool, the scholar, and finally the virgin, but seeing through the whole operation, contriving to save your one living friend, destroy the facility operating the house, and finally killing the Director of the whole operation (Sigourney Weaver) as the Old Gods wake to destroy the Earth after the ritual to appease them was interrupted by your actions

 Making your first lasting friendship here at Cornell!

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