Tag Archives: Campus Life

Milk-Lovers Beware! This Rogue Cornell Dairy Cow Is Trying To Steal All Her Milk Back

Red alert to all milk-lovers out there! If you thought you and your milk were safe, think again. Big Betty, Cornell Dairy’s most reliable and easy-flowing cow, has gone rogue, and she’s coming to steal all her milk back!   That’s right. Last last night, in one of Cornell Dairy’s Read More

Instead of Giving Psi Upsilon’s House to Diverse Student Organizations, Cornell Should Give It to Me

Many people hailed the University’s recent announcement that Psi Upsilon’s former fraternity house will be converted “into a building available for use by student organizations that promote diversity and inclusion.” Unfortunately, these people are missing the big picture: Cornell should instead make the house available only to me. While I Read More

Sheer Bravery! This Fraternity Brother Will Finish Anyone’s Drink That They Don’t Want Anymore

There are plenty of small town heroes to be found in Ithaca, but this long weekend, one really stood out from the crowd. Eric LaSorsa ‘18, a member of Sigma Psi Theta fraternity, has publicly stated that if somebody doesn’t want a drink anymore, he will proudly “slam that fucker Read More

Check Out These Classes You Can Only Pre-Enroll For On The Dark Web

Fall 2017 class roster too peachy for you? Check out these classes that offer a more realist educational experience to better prepare you for the crummy world out there. GOVT 1830: Intro to Sex Scandal Relations AEM 1200: Using Cocaine to Optimize Day-Trading RUSSA 1340: Mail-Order Brides MUSIC 1390: Encoding Read More

Innovative! This Student Didn’t Lose Any Important Documents During The Blackout Because She Was Watching Pornography

The campus blackout was definitely unexpected, and for anyone who was in the middle of doing homework when their internet cut out, that absolutely sucks. But you have to admire the forethought that Allie Jacobson ‘19 put into her day when the power cut out and she didn’t lose any Read More

SJWs Beware: This Article WILL Trigger You

Offended already? Well you better buckle up, because this ain’t your average, play-it-safe humor thinkpiece. We’re finally bringing it to you over-sensitive, politically-correct liberals – and you can’t hide from our First Amendment-delivered tirade of truth in your Tumblr posts and pinterest profiles. Where are your safe spaces now?? If Read More