October 23, 2019

8 Bus Companies We’d Rather be Sued by Than ShortLine

Cornell Campus to Campus: C2C is a beloved student institution that runs from Cornell to New York City. We’d love to be sued by them almost as much as we’d love to be able to afford their tickets. Sure, they’re pricey and might take us for all we’re worth (approximately $150 and a dozen bagels), but we just know being sued by them would be so pleasant. We’re sure they’d bring snacks for everyone and the hearings would start promptly on time.

Peter Pan Bus Lines: Peter Pan Bus Lines is another long-distance commuter bus line based in the Northeastern United States. It has a fun name, and its busses have an aesthetically pleasing green design. Speaking of fun names, did you know the CEO of Peter Pan Bus Lines is named Peter A. Picknelly? That’s very funny to us, which is why being sued by Peter Pan would be way better than being sued by ShortLine.

Ourbus: Ourbus is cheap and quickly gaining popularity with students. With prices so low and such great service, they would have a smaller profit margin than other bus companies that charge more for the bare-minimum. That low profit margin would mean Ourbus couldn’t afford to drag out a lawsuit, and they would settle amicably! Plus, their website looks like it was made after 2005, so they’re definitely tech-savvy — we’re sure they’d respond to our lawyers promptly.

Greyhound Lines: Greyhound busses are the big kahuna of North American inter-city bus lines. Being sued by Greyhound would be a way bigger news than being sued by ShortLine. At the end of the day the news business is a business and it’s all about the clicks. Greyhound means clicks. End of story.

Bang Bros Bangbus: The Bangbus is really more of a van where unsuspecting everyday people are accosted on the street by adult film stars to have sex on camera. Sex sells, which is good for ratings. Also, In 2004, BangBros was involved in a controversy when a female performer alleged that they had made false promises about the distribution of the film and paid her through an ex-boyfriend, who then disappeared. If that really happened, we’d love the chance to face these jerks who don’t respect sex workers in court.

Tompkins Consolidated Area Transit: The TCAT provides service to the Cornell campus and entire Tompkins County. It’s a fixture in the community and students rely on it to get to class in the snow and home after drinking.The TCAT adds tremendous value to Cornell and is far more eco-friendly than cars! That’s why being sued by the TCAT would be an absolute honor. While it might be devastating to think that the TCAT is not angry, just disappointed in us, it would still be an honor to be acknowledged by them. Please, Tompkins Consolidated Area Transit, notice us. Sue us. Just acknowledge our existence.

Swarthout Coaches: Swarthout Coaches offers charter buses and group day trips for the New York State area. They’ve practically got a monopoly on charter buses in the Ithaca area. Swarthout’s reach and ubiquity is so notable that we wonder how they do it! Swarthout filing a lawsuit would give us the opportunity to ask their lawyers about their growth as a small company. Their business model seems sound, so we’d like to learn from the best. We could really use that business acumen to further our growth. If we survive the suit, that is.

The Knight Bus Company From Harry Potter And The Prisoner of Azkaban: Just meeting someone who works for a company with buses that can elongate themselves to pass in between lanes of traffic would be incredible. We’d love to see the owners of the Knight Bus in court.

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