1. Times New Roman There’s really no better choice to subtly yet powerfully express your overall meekness and wet blanket personality than Times New Roman! How else can you assure recruiters that you pedantically cycled through all the font options before assuredly saying to your worthless, pathetic self that “Yes, the font I have been…
Most students will just keep walking by when they see “Fight For Freedom” stickers cluttering up the bridge between the engineering quad and Collegetown, but not sophomore Jackson Huang. The dedicated young maverick has taken it upon himself to keep Cornell’s campus spotless, as well as suppress any and all dissent regarding Hong Kong’s independence….
Cornell Campus to Campus: C2C is a beloved student institution that runs from Cornell to New York City. We’d love to be sued by them almost as much as we’d love to be able to afford their tickets. Sure, they’re pricey and might take us for all we’re worth (approximately $150 and a dozen bagels),…
People keep commenting about how we should “totally write an article about Okenshields or Bingalee Dingalee”, so you know what, here you go. This is the kind of least common denominator article you tasteless fuckers want. This is what you asked for. Okenshields There it is. There’s the word that made your dumb ape brain…
We’ve all been there: It’s a Thursday night; none of your roommates are home; it’s just you, a box of tissues and the steamiest newspaper column on campus: Sex on Thursdays. But this week’s sex on Thursdays article is causing problems left and right for readers: It’s so woke that beating your meat to it…
Do you ever find yourself on central campus at 3:15 p.m. with a hankering for a delicious Mac’s Cafe flatbread, only to realize that Statler Hotel’s premier deli shop only accepts big red bucks up until 3? How unfair! Everyone knows BRB’s are just free money that appears out of thin air, yet these bastards…