“I’ll Totally Be There!” and 5 Other Ways to Say “No” to Your Friend’s A Capella Concert

KLARMAN HALL— With the upcoming onslaught of finals and never-ending last minute assignments, when your friend hits you with  “My a capella group is having a concert this weekend, you’re definitely coming through, right?” the most immediate and resounding internal response is a shrieking, guttural “Dear God, no.”  So how do you, unsuspecting and innocent,…

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Aww! Three Generations of Cornellians Come Together to Psychologically Abuse the Shit out of BU Hockey Team

Nothing says Thanksgiving like joining friends, parents, and grandparents for a wholesome night of pure, unfiltered bullying! This evening Lynah Faithful will flock to Madison Square Garden to inflict permanent psychological damage upon the Boston University hockey team—a demonstration of the Cornell community’s admirable closeness and warmth.  “I look forward to bringing my family every…

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Tearing Up Because A TA Looked At Me Kindly And Five Other Things That Don’t Mean Anything Because I’m Fine

Recently, I endured what most would agree is an extremely common and normal experience: while sitting in office hours, the TA turned to me, with a bright gaze full of empathy and understanding, and I burst into tears. This led to all sorts of intrusive questions like “how are you?” and “would you like to talk?”…

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Happy Thanksgiving! Thousands of Disease-Ridden Students Sent Home to Families In True Colonizer Spirit

In light of the growing number of COVID cases and the approaching holiday season, hoards of infected students have returned home to their families to celebrate the Thanksgiving holiday like it was originally celebrated: with the spreading of potentially lethal infectious diseases.  “Lately I’ve been trying to become more in touch with my colonizer roots,”…

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