Tag Archives: cornell university

Palindrome Lovers Rejoice:Eciojer Srevol Emordnilap

If you’re a literary fanatic, you’re in luck—palindromes are back! !kcab era semordnilap—kcul ni er’uoy ,citanaf yraretil a er’uoy fI. 2019 is the year for words and phrases spelled the same backward and forward, and will have palindrome-haters shouting “Dammit, I’m mad,” according to Anna Renner, an avid diva. .avid Read More

Student With Job Interview Lookin’ All Fancy All of a Sudden

Walking around in a brand-spankin’ new suit and with a big fat leather resume folder to boot, students confirmed local senior Hari Srinivasan had a job interview and was lookin’ all fancy all of a sudden. “Whaaaat?” said fellow student Lindsey Fong. “This guy usually wears one kind of clothes, Read More

Family Making You Uncomfortable This Thanksgiving? Read This to Avoid Eye Contact!

So you’ve decided to take a phone break after 30 minutes of excruciating quality time with your aunts and uncles. We don’t blame you. We’re sure you’ve heard enough about how big you’ve gotten since five years ago and how Cornell is “one of those liberal safe space campuses.” You’ve Read More

Read This Harrowing Tale: One Girl’s Quest Through the Terrace Burrito Line

Panda Express

I might’nt e’er forget the events that transpired on that Godforsaken Orange Chicken Wednesday for as long as Orion’s belt should remain fastened. Before sophomore year, I’d been a mere fawn, far too weak, too feeble-minded; I daredn’t embark on a journey that had vanquished so many before me in Read More

Mental Health Win! Cornell Adds Three More Counselors To Serve Population of 23,000

After years of complaints, it looks like Cornell may finally be listening to the student body. Today the university announced they will be adding not one, not even two, but THREE full-time counselors for Cornell’s 23,000 undergraduate, graduate, and professional students! These aren’t just any counselors they’re hiring, either. All Read More

The Next Sigmund Freud? This Psychology Student Wants to Fuck His Mom!

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Thought you were a special student? Think again! After years of studying psychology, Francis Elkhart ‘21 is making a name for himself as the next Sigmund Freud. His secret? He has an unrelenting desire to fuck his mother! No other psychology student has anything close to Francis’s gift Read More