February 4, 2017

Innovative! This Student Didn’t Lose Any Important Documents During The Blackout Because She Was Watching Pornography

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The campus blackout was definitely unexpected, and for anyone who was in the middle of doing homework when their internet cut out, that absolutely sucks. But you have to admire the forethought that Allie Jacobson ‘19 put into her day when the power cut out and she didn’t lose any important documents on her computer because she was watching porn!

Why didn’t we think of that?!

It’s always a good practice to constantly save anything you’re working on in case something unexpected happens, but it’s probably even better practice to watch two hotties (or maybe more!) having sex just in case the Cornell power plant shuts down. You never know, so it’s better to be prepared.

“I didn’t notice the electricity went off because I watch my hard core erotica in the dark. I actually believe that’s the best case scenario to be in if all the lights go out anyways” said Allie, whose helpful advice will save us so much trouble in the future if and when another outage happens.

The even more amazing part? Allie didn’t even have to stop watching porn when she lost her internet because she had already downloaded so much on her computer.

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