2017
Prank Gone Wrong? All Of The IUDs At Cornell Health Have Been Replaced With Rick-Roll Buzzers
Photo from the Cornell Daily Sun Most people love a good old-fashioned prank, but this might be taking it a bit far. Cornell Health staff and patients have recently discovered that some devious little pranksters replaced all the IUDs with Rick-Roll Buzzers! “I had just gone to Cornell Health to get my IUD inserted, but…
Listen Up, Freshmen! Here Are All the Hockey Traditions You Need to Know
1. Throw fish at Harvard It is known that to stay in good standing at Harvard College, students must abstain from all fish consumption, as it will only pollute their minds with dark, aquatic thoughts. Throwing tuna, albacore, and other various nautical lifeforms is guaranteed to throw them off 2. Throw Colgate at Colgate That’s right!…
7 Ways Freshman Year Is PERFECTLY Described By The Great Depression
The first year of college is an transformative period, when young adults learn what it is like to live on their own. Here are some ways all the ups and downs of freshman year are flawlessly captured by the most destructive economic downturn in American History. Trying to Pre-enroll for Classes The struggle of getting…
NDA Disaster! To Avoid Rick & Morty Leaks, Dan Harmon Is Only Allowed To Talk About Last Year’s Season of ‘Extreme Couponing’
This article was sponsored by the Cornell University Program Board for the event “An Evening With Dan Harmon” on Nov. 10th at 7:00PM Bailey Hall. Tickets available at: cornellconcerts.universitytickets.com. Now, we’ve heard of strict NDA’s, but this might be pushing it! In a foolhardy attempt to keep Dan Harmon from revealing many of Rick &…
Try Out These Hidden Tricks To Get Perfect WiFi For Pre-enroll
Get into a heated relationship with a Cornell CIT worker. They’ll be sure to give your Wi-Fi a little boost 😉 Put a condom on your router? I don’t really know if this works, but Greg seems to think it does Switch to Microsoft Edge, the Microsoft recommended browser for Windows 10. Sit on the…
This Halloween, Remember What the Real Monster Is
This Halloween, you’re likely to run into scary clowns, ghosts, and even bloodied school children. You might hear stories about the vicious wolves, giant bats, or the others thousands of beasts that could tear your body apart, limb by limb. Yet, despite of all these distractions, always remember what the real monster is. You might…
Worship On Thursdays: My Intimate Night With the Holy Spirit
It was last weekend when he came to me. I was sitting in my dorm late Saturday night, once again alone and lusting for something more. He appeared right as I was falling asleep. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the booklet of gospel hymns that was thrust towards me on Ho…
Oopsies! This Naughty Little Freshman Showed Up To His Swim Test In A Tiny, Tiny Speedo
Darren Stintman “thought” he was just gonna take your regular ol’ garden variety swim test, but when he arrived at Helen-Newman, Darren “realized” he had made a big no-no. He showed up to the swim test in just a tiny, tiny speedo. Nothing else! Despite repeated pleading from the instructor that Darren go home and…