October 31, 2017

This Halloween, Remember What the Real Monster Is

This Halloween, you’re likely to run into scary clowns, ghosts, and even bloodied school children. You might hear stories about the vicious wolves, giant bats, or the others thousands of beasts that could tear your body apart, limb by limb. Yet, despite of all these distractions, always remember what the real monster is.

You might associate Halloween with a holiday to have fun, dress up in revealing costumes, and drink enough beer to land yourself in a stranger’s house with no memory of how you got there. However, while you’re dominating your friends in beer pong or stealing an Almond Joy from a 9-year old lost in Collegetown, keep your eyes open and your mind alert because the one true monster is out there.

Say, you don’t like parties? You’re still not out of the woods. While you spend the evening binge-watching Netflix, eating a disgusting amount of candy corn, and scrolling through the last five years of your ex’s Facebook timeline, be aware that the monster doesn’t have sympathy for introverts either. Yeah, those pictures of your ex are pretty scary, but the real monster is definitely scarier.

Oh, you may think you’ve made it through the night as you take a warm shower, brush your teeth, and wrap yourself tightly in bedsheets. But you’ll be wrong. The cozy corners of your room are the dark breeding grounds of death and perfect hiding places for what is out to get you. It’s hairier than your Aunt Beatrice’s lips that she insists on kissing you with every Thanksgiving dinner. It’s smellier than your roommate’s boyfriend’s neglected pile of laundry that seems to edge closer and closer to your side of the room every week. You’ve seen it in your worst nightmares. You’ve never imagined the day it would come for you. But now the monster is here. Happy Halloween.

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