QUIZ: Do you know this friend well enough to swipe right on them on Tinder without them thinking you want to fuck them?

Hooray! You’re back on campus this semester, and with the start of Spring comes the inevitable re-downloading of Tinder. You’re playing the field, swiping through profile after profile, when suddenly you see some guy you know! Hey, this could be a great opportunity for a little friendly game of “Lol-we’re-both-on-Tinder.” Maybe even throw a Super Like their way for an extra chuckle! But, wait a minute– your half-acquaintance will surely know you’re only just joking around, right? Or will your sorta-friend totally get the wrong idea?

Take this quiz to find out!

1. How long have you known this person for?

 A solid few months, you’d say you’re pretty tight.

 About a day or two.

 From when you two were kids, and ever since he’s been talking nonstop about how ‘women don’t want nice guys’ while adjusting his fedora and staring off pensively into the distance.

2. How do you greet each other in person?

 With an enthusiastic “Hey!”

 Occasionally with a silent nod across the quad. Does zero acknowledgement count as a greeting?

 With a high-five that they interpret as a hug which then deforms into a soul crushing hybrid handshake/fist-bump.

3. What’s their favorite food?

 Pepperoni pizza, with olives, banana peppers and extra cheese!

 Uh, ice cream? You don’t have a clue tbh but everyone likes ice cream, right?

 You’ve heard them talk an awful lot about oysters, chocolate, and strawberries.

4. Do you have any mutual friends?

 Yes, you’ve got a pretty solid group of five that you hang out with.

 You saw them sitting with one of the kids from your freshman orientation group once.

 They’ve strategically and almost militantly inserted themselves into each and every facet of your life. You no longer know peace.

5. Have they included the line: “If we’re friend IRL, I’ll swipe right” in their bio?

 Yes, and they seem genuinely sincere about it.

 No, just some Michael Scott quote from the Office.

 Yes, but it seems more like a Schrödinger-esque defense mechanism than anything else.

6. What ratio of hank to pank has this individual tried to engage you in in the past?

 A respectable 0:0, no hanky panky going on here.

 Can they be negative values? You really don’t know how ratios work.

 Too much hank to even begin to pank. So much hank that it makes you wonder whether or not the pank was ever an option.

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