Tag Archives: Student Life

No Sex on Thursday: My Mom and I Watched Them Pick the Wrong House on House Hunters International And Then I Went to Bed at 9PM

By Miley Mortgage I know you sexually frustrated quarintiners probably want me to tell you some empowering story about me letting go of my insecurities while getting my pussy stuffed by three strangers in the clocktower. Maybe you’d like to read a feel-good tale of how I finally taught Jake Read More

Tragic: Wet Sock Is Really Stuck In Between Washing Machine Door and Barrel

So, it’s that time of week again: time to do your chores; your laundry. Not to worry though; laundry is easy, especially when factoring in the reliability of your dorm’s four laundry machines that are meant to service hundreds of residents. It’s almost therapeutic, as if you’re washing away your Read More

How To Justify To Marie Kondo That Empty Alcohol Bottles Bring You Joy

It might feel like Ithaca winter will drag on forever, but spring cleaning time will be here before you know it. And who better to consult for advice than Marie Kondo, author of the best-selling “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up” and star of her eponymous Netflix series? So here’s Read More

Get Ready Uncle Gary: Area Student Planning to Deliver Coming Out Speech Right Before Your Thanksgiving Prayer

LONG ISLAND—Local student Colin Roban ’22 is reportedly preparing to inform his family that he is gay during the annual Thanksgiving dinner held at the home of his aunt and uncle, Susan and Gary Gates. Having explored and confirmed his sexuality while at Cornell, Roban expressed that he felt it Read More

Crisis Averted! Almighty Student Assembly Obliterates ILR-HumEc Merger with Sternly-Worded Resolution

Alice Song / Sun Staff Photographer

Dropping the cold hammer of institutional justice, the Student Assembly smote the unpopular ILR-Human Ecology merger this past week by passing an entirely symbolic Resolution. Whoopee! via GIPHY The all-powerful protectors of the student body convened Wednesday and, with the ruthless efficiency we’ve come to expect from the SA, struck Read More