KLARMAN HALL— With the upcoming onslaught of finals and never-ending last minute assignments, when your friend hits you with “My a capella group is having a concert this weekend, you’re definitely coming through, right?” the most immediate and resounding internal response is a shrieking, guttural “Dear God, no.” So how do you, unsuspecting and innocent,…
Nothing says Thanksgiving like joining friends, parents, and grandparents for a wholesome night of pure, unfiltered bullying! This evening Lynah Faithful will flock to Madison Square Garden to inflict permanent psychological damage upon the Boston University hockey team—a demonstration of the Cornell community’s admirable closeness and warmth. “I look forward to bringing my family every…
You know the situation. It’s Friday night and you’re on your shit, really vibing after a stressful week. The rest of the room is right there with you, alcoholic beverage in hand as they let the worries of the real world melt away. Everyone seems to be unified in action and intent. Well, almost everyone….
BAILEY HALL—This past Tuesday, in what has been a most shocking act of sabotage and treachery, Isabella Palacio 23’ received a less than a perfect score on her peer graded assessment at the hands of her classmate-turned-archnemesis Toby Grimes 22’. “I’m on the edge of tears just talking about it,” remarked Palacio, clearly fighting back…
Readers, I was once like you. I was a normal student who knew the feeling of the sun on my face and the agony of an 8 am discussion. Then, one day, as I made my 8:45 pm journey to 7/11 for my nightly snack-dinner of beef jerky and Mountain Dew Code Red, I felt…
CLARA DICKSON HALL—As students across campus are feeling more settled in their dorms, many roommates have revealed themselves to be involuntarily celibate via their choice of techware. One of the most telling and most common of these is the sad, and concerningly sticky, rainbow light-up keyboard. “At first I saw the colors and I thought…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL — Freshman Ricky Harrison sat down in a circle on the floor with his new classmates to play icebreakers and exchange basic information, expecting to hear all about his fellow Long Islanders’ opinions on the travel time to Ithaca, and whether Louie’s Lunch was as good as the tamale stand at the…
Hey, you! Yes, you, you nervous, wide-eyed, naive frosh! I bet you’re thinking right now about how you can impress your entire orientation group with a cool Icebreaker that’ll have the whole mandatory orientation group voluntarily nodding and laughing! Well, STOP thinking about that. Icebreakers are about one thing: survival. You either escape the orientation…
Career sites are full of advice for networking in your chosen field, but what about the girl who wants a little extra? You know, like making a professional connection who will one day stare hollow-eyed into the camera as they recount all the missed signs that you were headed down a path of violent self-destruction….
DAY HALL—As more and more students have become fully vaccinated in the past weeks, President Martha Pollack announced earlier this morning a new university measure to encourage unvaccinated students to receive a COVID-19 shot. The initiative introduces an innovative approach for a move towards normalcy, requiring all vaccinated students to take advantage of their immunity…