Recently, I endured what most would agree is an extremely common and normal experience: while sitting in office hours, the TA turned to me, with a bright gaze full of empathy and understanding, and I burst into tears. This led to all sorts of intrusive questions like “how are you?” and “would you like to talk?”…
ZOOM—Torturing his students with the horrific sight of his cat Muffins, Cornell ethics professor Daniel Shrocket made it a point to direct his camera front-and-center whenever his frightful bundle of hairballs stalked across his room. Students in the class have expressed their inability to discern why anyone would adopt such a beast, but have selflessly…
It’s time, once again, for the Ivy League blowhards of the world to announce how utterly honored they are to have been accepted into various summer internships in fields that range from “making rich people richer” to “making poor people poorer” to the occasional “making poor people marginally richer on risky investments in service of…
It’s that time of year again. Moms from all over the country are texting their children, asking to “chat about summer plans.” We at Nooz have utmost sympathy for the plight of affected students, which is why we’ve compiled this guide on how to hop on the phone and politely let your mom know that…
As I was driving the four-minute commute from campus to my apartment, I felt an unfamiliar speed bump along Stewart Avenue. My initial surprise quickly morphed into horror as I realized that what I thought was a speed bump was actually a person. Feeling sick, I pulled over and quickly ran to the motionless, slightly…
Hey boss babes! I think we can all agree that this year’s recruiting season has been a real toughie, even for the strongest girlies out there. I know for me personally, my internship search was filled with long, grueling hours of sending my half-assed resume to my mommy and daddy to share with their extensive…
Dating in college can be tough. Everyone struggles with making time for each other or navigating the ups and downs of a relationship. But it’s especially hard for me, because my girlfriend is a super genius who uses her telekinetic powers to make my life a living hell. Now, I’m not ashamed to be less…
COLLEGETOWN—It began as an innocent March day in Ithaca—March 1st, to be exact. The sun was kind of shining, at least enough to put a dent in the pile of soot-colored snow plowed off the road and into adjacent driveways three weeks ago. The Cornell populace was bundled up against a stiff breeze that threatened…
I’ll admit it: every so often I get down on myself for my total lack of accomplishment and inability to celebrate even the smallest things in life. However, that all changed today when I realized how good the inseam of my jeans felt on my pussy! I’m not just referring to the tough seam pressing…
1. “You shouldn’t invade Russia in the winter.” History King! We all know this guy. He loves toppling foreign governments just a little too much. According to him, history starts with the Romans and ends with World War II. He can differentiate the all of France’s King Louis, and he gets a half-chub at the…