Tag Archives: academic

Erudite Scholar! This Engineer Actually Does The Optional Textbook Reading

ZOOM—Obnoxiously trying to broaden his horizons and get the most out of his short time at Cornell, sophomore Alex Latell ‘23 is willing to go above and beyond the call of duty to understand Data Structures.  “When I asked my friends their thoughts on last week’s optional reading, they originally Read More

Inspiring: This Freshman Signed Up For a Class With None of the Prereqs and Now He’s Fucked

It’s definitely not easy taking a class you know absolutely nothing about. But Luke Zhang ‘23 enrolled in PHYS 4230: Statistical Thermodynamics despite having taken none of its three prerequisite classes. And it was a huge mistake! “I don’t really have the math background to be in this class. Or Read More

Travel Alert! Students Unable to Make It From Bed to Class After Break

After the glorious week away from class provided by Spring Break, many students are still struggling with their various trips to campus all the way from their dorm rooms or apartments. “There are just so many legs to the journey,” mumbled sophomore Genevieve Perreine through two blankets and a pillow. Read More

Liberal Slant? This Entire School Is About Labor

Colleges are meant to be bastions of free speech, teaching young adults how to think for themselves. Unfortunately, today’s colleges fall far from the mark. Whether it’s professors spouting opinion as fact, or the violent campus protests, it’s obvious that these so-called ‘glands of diverse thinking’ are culpable of silencing Read More

21 FWS Names I’m Ashamed To Have On My Transcript

1) FWS: Let’s Play — I got a C- in Yahtzee. 2) FWS: Modern Romance: Dating and Relationships Among Young Adults — “Hot tip,” said my sixty-year-old professor, “say, ‘Hiya toots!’ by the jukebox, and y be doing the jitterbug in no time.” 3) FWS: Talk. Writing is for Pussies Read More