March 16, 2017

Overstepping His Bounds? Hunter Rawlings Has Asked For a Shorter Clock Tower That’s Easier To Walk Up

Hunter Rawlings has had a relatively controversy-free tenure, that is, up until recently. In a possible overstepping of his executive boundaries, Rawlings has asked the administration for a shorter clock tower that doesn’t take so long for him to walk up!

Talk about a political nightmare!

Off the record, Rawlings has complained for years about how the “walk up the clocktower makes his legs all ache-y” and that “big clock towers are dumb anyways”, but most of his critics seemed to take these comments in stride, assuming he was simply speaking metaphorically. Now we know he wasn’t joking!

When faced with criticism, Rawlings jabbed back, saying “the long stairs make [him] get all sweaty” and “now that the clock tower’s shorter it’ll be easier to read the time.” While some acknowledged the merit of these comments, everyone collectively agreed that Rawlings was simply “drunk with power” and would set a bad precedent.

“First the clock tower, then the slope, then the bridges,” said clock tower activist Randy Starkin. “When will it end? We need to keep Rawlings’ power in check before he goes too far and shortens the whole campus.”

Further reports state that the negative response to Rawlings’ clock tower request has put a damper on future president Pollack’s plans for a clock tower escalator.

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