July 19, 2017

Academic Calendar Changes To Look Forward To

Provost Michael Kotlikoff announced last week the approval of the modified 2018–2019 academic calendar. Here are some changes to look forward to:

  • Two more days of O-Week to figure out where your classes are, get your books, and tuck yourself into bed at 9:30 PM every night, am I right?
  • No one liked starting classes on a Tuesday last year because it was disorienting, so we’re starting on a Thursday instead
  • In case you haven’t heard, Christopher Columbus was a violent and diseased asshole, so the second Monday in October is now marked as Indigenous People’s Day. Social justice win!
  • We’re all staying an extra two days after Thanksgiving Break for that one person on the Academic Calendar Committee who gets lonely during the holidays
  • For all you smart shoppers out there, save on Kleenex this year with one less day to sob about finals!
  • The University has finally prioritized mental health on campus by pushing back exam period so actual Christmas carolers might stroll by our torture chambers
  • Winter Break has been cut short by three days, to make up for valuable class time lost from that one snow day last year
  • Small talk enthusiasts rejoice: March is still the fucking worst
  • Three more days for seniors to play pretend before being shoved into the real world. If that doesn’t prove how sensitive Cornell administration is to student needs, what does?

Nice! Thanks, Cornell!

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