March 30, 2018

Wow-ee! Archies May Have Gone Overboard On Dragon’s Giant, Vascular Dick

RAND HALL—First-year Archies wow us annually with a reptilian masterpiece worthy of the MoMA, but this year’s dragon is breathtaking in more ways than one. Mamma mia, look at that Bavarian Beefstick!

That’s right! Our 2018 dragon is packing a real crowd-pleaser. The 100-ft long creature features a huge, stinky, vascular dick estimated to be about 25 feet in length, and you don’t even wanna know how wide.

Architecture students defending their artistic freedom explained, “We’re breaking free from minimalism by being anatomically correct, starting with this steamy hush puppy’s hot beef injection.” Now that’s what I call visionary!

The serpentine jerkin’ gherkin is said to have been modeled after a real human kielbasa using a material described as “rubber?”, making it rather unnerving for those not used to seeing pocket rockets in an academic setting.

“At first, I was taken aback by the inclusion of the dragon’s, erm, penis this year,” said a flustered Professor Ernest Yates, “but then I took another peek and I mean… the dragon’s kinda sexy?”

The dragon’s Dangus Khan was last seen putting a real damper on the parade, as the floppy gellapy proved difficult to carry. As a last-minute fix, the Archies have decided to give the dragon a circumcision.

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