Noozventure! It’s your first Halloween night at college: can you find a rager on a Wednesday?

It’s your first Halloween in college, and it’s 8:30 p.m. You might have a prelim tomorrow, but you’re not gonna let that stop you from finding a wicked rager and grinding it up in your human-sized banana costume! Unfortunately, you have no idea where you might find a party, so you decide to strike out into the great unknown.

Do you go to:

Matt mentioned this party at a frat last weekend, but you can’t quite remember what it was called. Beta Theta Theta, maybe? You text him, but he doesn’t respond, so you decide to make your way to West Campus and just physically walk around looking for the parties. What do you do before you leave?

Now you’re stuck with 20 people who are all dressed as those assholes from Grease. Nice going, idiot—you’ve lost your mobility. Hampered by this cluster of loud noobs who look to you as their leader, you are tasked with finding the mysterious frat Matt mentioned that one time. Somehow, you feel more alone in this crowd than you did by yourself. So you head down the slope with your caravan of sexy cats and pumpkins. As you walk, you see that mysterious graveyard close by: You must have drifted slightly off course. The graveyard seems to be calling you—what do you do?

After a while, you realize you’ve been wandering around West Campus for way too long. The group ran across one party, but you weren’t allowed in because the group’s too big. It’s past midnight now, so you finally decide to break off of the group and head home. But as you walk across Ho Plaza, you see a procession of cloaked figures walking down the slope and chanting in a strange tongue. You think you can make out the Quill and Dagger seal on the back of the nearest walker, but can’t be sure. What do you do?

Good call, popcorn’s the move for a rainy Halloween night like this. You put a fluffy parka on over your banana costume into the crisp fall air. But as you walk alone on the damp dark sidewalk, mist gathers on all sides. Photorealistic jack-o-lanterns leer at you from the steps of Risley. An owl hoots above you, and you realize you haven’t seen a single soul since your dorm. How do you handle the spooky walk?

As you head back toward North Campus, your mind is full of self-loathing. How could you give up so fast? This is your first Halloween! As you walk along, second-guessing your decision and getting scared all over again by the same pumpkin you passed on your way out, you run right into a tall figure…it’s Martha Pollack! She greets you, sees your despair, and then offers you a proposition. She’s been looking for someone like you on a night like tonight, she says. She’s always dreamed of taking down Greek Life, but has been foiled time and again. She’ll find you a party, but in return… will you help her?

Oh geez, you really stepped in it now. The jack-o-lantern is satisfying to smash, but on your follow-through you swing the stick right into someone’s leg. You look up and see to your horror that it’s Martha Pollack! She greets you, sees your vulnerability, and then offers you a proposition. She’s been waiting for someone like you on a night like tonight, she says. She’s always dreamed of taking down Greek Life, but has been foiled time and again. She’ll find you a party, but in return… will you help her?

Martha gently guides you up to North, where a few big frat houses loom on the hills. She’s making kind conversation, but walks past a house that seems open. People with costumes are going in! You want to join! It might be your only hope! What do you do?

You shove your hands in your pockets and put your head down, banana-clad legs pumping. The mist as you walk over is thick and soupy, but you arrive in Ho Plaza without any spooky apparitions. Before you enter the Straight, however, you see a procession of cloaked figures walking down the slope and chanting in a strange tongue. You think you can make out the Quill and Dagger seal on the back of the nearest walker, but can’t be sure.

Do you:

You start after the hooded figures. They gotta be on the way to a fuckin’ rager. Right?. You walk down the slope behind them to the Memorial Tower. The chanting ahead of you grows louder. You try and work up the nerve to shout, “What’s up my dudes, what’s poppin? Where’s the party at?” but you can’t do it before the doors close behind them.

Do you:

Interesting reason to pick a location. It’s good to have goals, I guess, but what places in Ctown are going to be active on a Wednesday? You start the long walk to C-town, then spot a few moving lights in the distance. Could those be fellow party-seekers? You get closer and find a group of loud, rowdy people wearing costumes. It’s a pretty big group, so joining would be a risk, but you don’t know where you’re heading… what do you do?

You howled out loud, dummy. Now the group is staring at you. Maybe you’re drunker than you thought. In embarrassment, you dash off in a random direction, a road that looks somewhat lit up. As you slow down, you think you sort of recognize it…there’s a house at the end that is pulsing with music and festivity, and a few people in costumes are going inside. You might not know anyone there, but boy you’re tempted to crash!

Throwing caution to the wind, you embrace the sense of freedom that a banana onesie provides and nonchalantly infiltrate the throng of costumed partiers. You’re not sure where they’re going, but it’s gotta be better than standing in front of Hideaway on a Wednesday! You gradually make your way down the hill, deeper into Collegetown than you’ve been before, when you start to notice that this group is substantially older than your typical college town party-goers. In fact, you think you might recognize the familiar drawl of your Economics professor emanating from within a rubbery gorilla mask. They all seem friendly enough, even including you in their tipsy conversation, but you do wonder where they’ll end up.

How do you proceed?

You start making your way down to West Campus and trip over something on the slope. Is that…a zombie hand emerging from the ground?!

No. Come on, man. Calm down. It’s a bottle. You unearth the bottle and examine it. It looks like a vintage cabernet, but scribbled over the top of it in red Sharpie—or blood?—are the words, “Drink this and die.”

You: