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Can You Tell a Student Assembly Meeting from Your Family Fighting at Thanksgiving?

Nooz Staff8 years ago01 mins

There are plenty of impassioned discussions happening on and off campus! Do you think you can distinguish between a heated argument occurring in a Student Assembly meeting and a stressful dinner conversation between your relatives at Thanksgiving? It’s harder than you would think!

1. Which one of these conversations happened in your childhood home?

Speaker One: The first item on our agenda is the issue regarding the funding of the Cornell Cinema. Here to speak with us about the issue is Simon Coffey ‘17, who serves on the executive board of the cinema.
Speaker Two: It’s a pleasure to be here. I’d like to speak to the cultural value that the cinema provides on campus to students and faculty. We are able to show over 100 individual films every semester, ranging from popular movies to small art films.

Speaker One: Hey honey, would you mind me asking a favor?
Speaker Two: No, not at all. What’s the matter?
Speaker One: This thanksgiving, I was thinking grandma could sit next to my sister?
Speaker Two: I don’t think that would be the best idea…
Speaker One: Why not? You know they’ll get along fine.

2. Which of these is an argument in a regularly scheduled SA meeting in Willard Straight Hall?

Speaker One: Pardon my interruption – but is there really a need for a $1.40 increase in funding per student?
Speaker Two: Yes, I believe so. Our costs, despite what the student assembly may recommend, are not stagnant. We are facing continuous increases in demand for new movies, as well as increased operations and licensing costs. We need some sort of increase in funding to keep operating.

Speaker Two: It’s not them I’m worried about. Your sister will have to sit next to either me or Brandon then, and you know how that’ll end up.
Speaker One: Jesus Christ, Mitch, can’t you stop being a baby and just sit next to her?

3. Does one of these sound like something you would hear your crazy relatives talking about? Which one is it?!

Speaker Two: No! No I can’t! She constantly belittles me. It is not fair that you are going to prioritize her when it’s a Thanksgiving dinner in my house!
Speaker One: Your house?
Speaker Two: Yes! It’s MY house! I paid for it. I supported this family for years. I think I have the right to call it my house!

Speaker One: Sure, that makes sense. But why over a dollar in new funding? It seems arbitrary at best. Can you tell us exactly where this funding will be going?
Speaker Two: Well, the majority of this funding will be used securing new films to show and organizing events for the student body.

4. If Student Assembly gets one thing right, it’s thoughtful discussion and discourse! Which one of these conversations did the SA bicker about?

Speaker One: As if I didn’t have to make sacrifices for you and the kids? I could’ve been a doctor… Instead I’m stuck-
Speaker Two: Stuck..?!
Speaker One: Yes! STUCK! I thought I was doing this for the kids, but frankly, now that they’re gone I’m not sure why I’m still here.
Speaker Two: Fine! I guess Thanksgiving is canceled then. Your bitch of a sister can sit next to Grandma anywhere but here.

Speaker One: The University is not your own personal bank – we can’t give you funds willy-nilly.
Speaker Two: We’d prefer a $1.40 increase, but we would settle for any increase at all. We simply can’t survive on our current budget.
Speaker One: Thank you for your time.

5. It’s good to know we have such effective leaders. Both at school and in our homes. But which of these happened at Cornell?

Speaker 1: Mitch, I want a divorce.
Speaker 2: Can we please get through the holidays and talk about this later, Carol?

Speaker 1: Appropriating $1.40 per student is too much for student activity fee allocations. The Cornell Cinema will have to survive on its own. Those in favor of keeping the venue underfunded?
All: Aye!

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