October 14, 2016

This Ithaca Barber Gave Me a Circumcision When I Asked for “a Bit Off the Top,” But He Did a Pretty Good Job

Ithaca barbers aren’t well known for their quality. I don’t know a single person who’s gotten a decent haircut anywhere close to campus. And I’m no exception, because when I asked a barber in Collegetown to take a bit off the top, he circumcised me. Now, normally, I would complain, but he actually did a pretty good job.

I’ll admit, when this guy, a licensed cosmetologist, didn’t start cutting the hair on my head immediately, I got worried, but I wasn’t about to question the guy with scissors pointed at my junk. And good thing too, because I got a lovely circumcision! Well worth the $15.

I never realized how much of a burden foreskin truly was until that incompetent Ithaca haircutter astronomically screwed up his very job description. It’s probably better that he didn’t touch my head in the first place though, because any number he could do on my regular hair would pale in comparison to the immaculate sculpture he has made my shlong. Kudos.

My bangs are still too long, which is a bummer, and it always gets all knotted and tangled, so I’ll probably need to get a real haircut soon. But for now I’m living the high life with a circumcision that will make all my Jewish friends jealous!

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