May 6, 2016

We Asked Students Which is Worse: Keystone, PBR, or Being Waterboarded?

Cornell students are all used to pretty awful drinks, and everybody has tried the college basics by now. So we went around campus asking students which they thought was worse: Keystone Light, Pabst Blue Ribbon, or the ancient torture technique of waterboarding? Here’s what we found.

Jordan Burnmauer ’17: Wha… What kind of question is that? Obviously waterboarding. Is that even a question? That’s terrible.

Karen Woodson ’19: Um… Is waterboarding a type of mixed drink? I’ve never heard of it. Are you talking about the medieval torture method? Then definitely no. Actually, no either way.

Guy Harrington ’16: I’m a PBR guy, so I’d say Keystone probably. If I get to a party and there’s only Keystone, I’ll definitely start searching for PBR or a place to be waterboarded.

Omar Perez ’18: Look, Keystone and PBR are pretty bad, but I’ll drink one if it means I’m not tied down to a table while I feel like I’m drowning.

Jackie Kim ’17: Ah, tough choice! I don’t really like any of them. Hmm, I guess Keystone!

Isaac Morrison ’16: I’ve been waterboarded. I still pick PBR.

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