September 4, 2017

Sheer Bravery! This Fraternity Brother Will Finish Anyone’s Drink That They Don’t Want Anymore

There are plenty of small town heroes to be found in Ithaca, but this long weekend, one really stood out from the crowd. Eric LaSorsa ‘18, a member of Sigma Psi Theta fraternity, has publicly stated that if somebody doesn’t want a drink anymore, he will proudly “slam that fucker down like it’s nobody’s business.”

Yes, that’s right! Whether your cup is filled to the brim, or barely worth a sip, LaSorsa will “slosh that bitch into his mouth” like it’s his own freshly poured drink. What a mensch!

You might be wondering – what inspires this real-life Superman to do The Lord’s work? According to LaSorsa, “sad, lonely drinks need a strong, paternal figure to knock that shit back and finish them off like a real man.” Nice!

When asked if his good deeds extended toward non-alcoholic drinks like water, juice, or even iced tea, the literal reincarnate of Mama Theresa responded, “fuck that pussy shit, beer is my water.”

Thanks, Eric, for spreading your angelic wings over our campus!

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