Tag Archives: Greek Life

Major Bombshell: Declassified Memo Reveals That Chad Isn’t Asking You To Formal

Last Friday saw the release of a highly anticipated, recently declassified IFC memo that is already sending shockwaves through the Greek system’s major houses. Despite all signs indicating that he was going to take you to formal, this memo—meticulously cultivated from over 600 messages ranging from pledge class GroupMes to Read More

Amber Alert! Big Breaking Into Little’s Room Interrupts Masturbating Roommate

BALCH HALL—Listen up, all you hokey pokey players: if you think you can paddle the pink canoe while your roommate’s in class, think again! When Amber of Theta Sigma sorority broke into the dorm to decorate, she found her little’s roommate furiously auditioning the finger puppets. Yikes! Each was disappointed Read More

Instead of Giving Psi Upsilon’s House to Diverse Student Organizations, Cornell Should Give It to Me

Many people hailed the University’s recent announcement that Psi Upsilon’s former fraternity house will be converted “into a building available for use by student organizations that promote diversity and inclusion.” Unfortunately, these people are missing the big picture: Cornell should instead make the house available only to me. While I Read More

Sheer Bravery! This Fraternity Brother Will Finish Anyone’s Drink That They Don’t Want Anymore

There are plenty of small town heroes to be found in Ithaca, but this long weekend, one really stood out from the crowd. Eric LaSorsa ‘18, a member of Sigma Psi Theta fraternity, has publicly stated that if somebody doesn’t want a drink anymore, he will proudly “slam that fucker Read More