Cornell
Sex on Thursdays: How to Make His Head Literally Explode
Blowjobs can be pretty confusing to navigate! Recently, the Daily Sun published an article called “How to Give Mind-Blowing Head,” but we all know sometimes that’s just not enough. Get ready to learn how to make his head literally explode: Alternate between gliding your tongue and really sucking that dick. If you get lost, remember…
Check Out These Classes You Can Only Pre-Enroll For On The Dark Web
Fall 2017 class roster too peachy for you? Check out these classes that offer a more realist educational experience to better prepare you for the crummy world out there. GOVT 1830: Intro to Sex Scandal Relations AEM 1200: Using Cocaine to Optimize Day-Trading RUSSA 1340: Mail-Order Brides MUSIC 1390: Encoding Satanic Messages in Your Records…
Innovative! “Rasputin” the CS Major is Finding an Alternative Way to Pay Tuition!
Well this is surely one for the books, and just one more reason why we at Cornell should be proud of the imaginative and resourceful student body we go to school with. Everyone grumbles about tuition hikes, but this CS major took his fate in his own hands and set up a side business of…
Heartwarming: Ithaca Will Accept 50 Syrian Refugees and Steve from Cortland
Sometimes, a community comes together to make the world a better place. And that’s exactly what our inspiring little City on the Hill did when it was recently approved to accept 50 refugees, and also this guy Steve Schweitzer from Cortland. Beautiful! “We hope that we’ve made a positive impact on the lives of these…
I Understand That College Applications are Evaluated Holistically, But Can Someone Tell Me Whose Dick I Have To Suck To Get My Son Into Cornell?
Hey guys. I’m just a father trying to get my son into Cornell University, and yeah, I’ve heard the whole shpiel. “All applications are evaluated holistically…” and blah blah blah, but give me a break. What I really wanna know is, whose dick I have to suck to get my son admitted to this prestigious…
This Ithaca Barber Gave Me a Circumcision When I Asked for “a Bit Off the Top,” But He Did a Pretty Good Job
Ithaca barbers aren’t well known for their quality. I don’t know a single person who’s gotten a decent haircut anywhere close to campus. And I’m no exception, because when I asked a barber in Collegetown to take a bit off the top, he circumcised me. Now, normally, I would complain, but he actually did a…
Check Out The Student Assembly Seats That Are Up for Election This Fall!
Student Assembly elections start on September 26th! Do you know which SA positions are on the ballot this Fall? Take a look at the open seats here! Song Leader Slope Dude Director of SA Committee for Un-Cornellian Activities Mitt Romney Senior Soothsayer Dungeon Sweeper Master of Ceremonies Representative of Representatives to the Representatives of the…